It’s the episode we’ve all been waiting for – no, not the final, where we get to see who actually wins this whole thing. No, we’re talking about the INTERVIEW STAGE! We all know that we’re watching it purely to see Claude get angrier and angrier as the episode goes on, but the other interviewers can be pretty scary too. It’s worth noting the absence of our beloved Margaret Mountford (WE MISS YOU), who is probably still studying her stupid classics or whatever it was that she thought was so much more important than being on television; and also the presence of Ricky Martin, himself a previous winner of The Apprentice.
Let’s get down to it – here’s the roundup:
“Dan, we need you to look like you’re working on something really, well, businessy”
“Sorted, mate, couple of numbers do ya?”
Was Solomon put outside in the garden for his own safety, or the safety of the other candidates? Or maybe he’s just not housebroken yet?
From the look on her face, Roisin has never said “I actually left my job to pursue this” out loud before
Even Mark can’t rock a denim shirt. Only our very own Sophia can get away with that.
Struggling without Felipe, Solomon?
But can you imagine living in that house at this stage? After all those times in the boardroom, fighting for your place by pointing out each other’s flaws and basically cussing them in front of their potential employer, it’d be so tense. I’d be the housemate from hell that week – trying to make everyone else edgy and worked up before the interviews. BECAUSE I’M EVIL.
See those two people in the lift in the building behind Lord Sugar’s shoulder? They were later assassinated by the BBC for fear that they might reveal which candidates made it through to this round before the series aired. Very sad, very sad indeed.
This bit of ‘subliminal messaging’
So the interviews then. Last year, I organised this post by each person – this year shall be no different.
Bit of a weird name, to be honest. I’d have gone with ‘Roisin’s Duck Wraps’. Sure, all the meals would have to contain duck and also be wraps, but that’s a risk I’d be willing to take if it were my business, all for a pun.
When Claudine asked this question, I said “No, but I eat food” as a joke, and then Roisin said this FOR REAL in the interview:
Yeah but, apart from herself, she’s done her research and she understands what people want, right?
No okay, we’ll move on. At least she’s got a unique idea, right? She’s found a gap in the market, low carb ready meals made with vegetable fibres, no-one’s done that yet, and she –
Yikes. Well, lucky for Roisin, she didn’t really get torn apart by the interviewers; there wasn’t really any shouting and screaming, apart from maybe Claude getting a bit shirty about credit
Chill out, baldy. He’s just jealous, Roisin. Jealous that he has those unnecessarily long ears, and jealous that you reminded me of the Ghetto Superstar video in this bit for some reason
How do you think it went though, Roisin?
I’m already unconfident, Dan, I’ll be honest. You’re proposing an EVENTS company. People start those every day without Lord Sugar’s help. But hey, you’re an award-winning salesman, right?
Uh-oh. Well, at least you can still stand behind the fact that you ‘made a profit of £15,000′ for a New years Eve [sic] event, and ‘raised £10,000 for Cancer Research’. And hey, let’s not forget you were ‘Footballer of the Year 2003 at Hornchurch Football club’, all very relevant to the business sector. I assume you haven’t won any awards for your grammar, though.
How has all that bragging about being ‘uneducated’ working out for you, Daniel? Or should I say, ‘under-educated’? Or even ‘under-exagger-ucated’? Fucking dimwit.
I loved this bit, which is just as true out of context:
Is it just me, or do the chairs in Claude and Claudine’s interviews make the person sitting in them look really, really weird? Or maybe it’s just Daniel…
He’s been a whiney baby through this whole series, but I doubt he’d be stupid enough to bring that ‘poor me’ attitude into an interview, I mean surely….
Proved me wrong again, Danny boy. Oh well. At least you gave me this amazing set of facial expressions to put into my roundup.
Oh yeah, and Daniel? The 90’s called – they want their worn out phrase back – NOT, HAHAHA. Not but seriously, they did call and they do want it back. In fact, you know what? They want the whole lot back, go on, fuck off back to 1997 and stay there.
His interview with Ricky got off to a bad start for me, when Ricky couldn’t even highlight a single sentence in a straight line.
I mean, come on, Ricky, you’re better than that.
In fact, I find it hard to believe that Ricky Martin isn’t three children stacked on top of one another in a suit, à la Vincent Adultman from Bojack Horseman. I mean, look at what happened with the phone-call role-play.
Unprofessional, if you ask me. Then he messed Mark around, and to be fair I would have reacted in exactly the same way that Mark did. Mindgames.
Mark was also keen to practice his “I ain’t been edumacated, I’m just a poor Australian cobber tryin’ to keep the dingoes from the door” card between interviews. BORING.
And he made his business proposal all SNAZZY with quotes and graphics
But all Ricky was interested in talking about was what he gets up to in the alleys and dog-parks of London.
And sure, Mark’s business proposal is nothing new, but that hasn’t stopped ol’ Easter Island from having confidence in his idea.
Also – either Mark is really tall, or this room is situated in that weird, half-height floor from Being John Malkovich.
Which I reckon is the best idea in this series, although surprise, surprise, this old white man can’t see a market for it
One thing I noticed from Bianca’s interviews is that while Mike and Claude discussed the actual business side of things with her, the interviews with Ricky and Claudine were either really poor or just edited that way, because this happened:
And it all went downhill from there – on the part of the interviewers, that is. Because look at Bianca’s face. How can Claudine tell, from having just met Bianca, whether or not she has a personality? I have a theory about why she asked this, and it’s that she’s surprised to be face-to-face with a young, intelligent, composed black woman who challenges the stereotypes she has come to expect.
I personally find Roisin to be robotic, but no-one mentioned it to her. I guarantee you that part of the reason behind these comments is that they honestly cannot get their heads around the fact that Bianca is so measured, like it’s a surprise to them that black women are actually capable of anything other than living up to some shitty stereotype perpetuated by television shows.
IT WAS, BIANCA
You know, it’s shitty that she was forced into that uncomfortable conversation, which I reckon was done because they probably couldn’t find many (if any) faults in her business plan. But she got these comments from Nick and Mike in the feedback, which I think says a lot:
BIANCA TO WIN!
And finally, of course:
He was as prepared as he was ever going to be…
Yes, it’s all in there next to some bunched up plasticine and a book of wordsearches where Solomon just keeps scribbling the letters of his own name over the letters he doesn’t recognise (11 out of the 26).
And his interview with Claude got off to an especially bad start
But more on that later. His interview with Mike Souter was, how shall I put this? Interesting. Solomon is from the ‘ideas generation’ though, he can handle it – after all, he’s so brimming with ideas that he’s constantly jotting them down on the Notes app on his phone. There’s no way to prove that, I guess, but-
Oh shit, called out, son. Fine, go ahead.
“I got another idea. You do, like, a TV show with a businessman and you do, like, tasks every week and then the one left at the end goes into business with him”
Onto that flimsy business proposal, then.
I’m sure Lord Sugar’s money would be in safe hands, though
And as I knew this would be Solomon’s last episode, I was hoping he’d give good face. He delivered.
Now, time for Claude.
Aside from the awkward handshake moment, it started pretty well. Or so it seemed. Claude praised Solomon’s CV and his enterprising nature for starting a business while he was still at university. But then, having lured poor young Solomon into his compliment-laden trap, Claude went in for the attack.
The best moment of it was this – exactly how anyone else would have reacted after an interview like that.
Fair play to Solomon, he told the others exactly how it went, rather than lying and pretending he breezed it.
I normally don’t include bits from The Apprentice: You’re Fired, but I thought that this continuity needed to be pointed out:
Well said, that man.
So next week is the final, and if you’re reading this then you already know that it’s Bianca versus Mark. I am firmly TEAM BIANCA, because her idea is great and also she is awesome and deserves to win – she hasn’t been manipulative, she’s played clean and fair through the whole show. Plus she’s from Sydenham, that’s not too far from me and I want a local-ish girl to win – we already had a Croydon boy win X Factor, it’s time for South London and Surrey to TAKE OVER TELEVISION!
Don’t forget, the final is on Sunday night at 9pm followed by You’re Hired as basically part of the same show. See you there for muchos tweeting? Das ist gut.