DTSFT Men’s Column #21 – Romantic Getaway

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Well, well, well, if it hasn’t been two years since we last spoke.

There’s been a sort of DTSFT hiatus, an extended one at that, while we all get the hell on with our lives and work and stuff – well, some of us. Me? I’m back to sitting on my albeit super-sweet behind and doing fuck all, all day. I mean, that’s not strictly true; I’ve been busy sifting through the thousands of emails, letters and texts (I don’t know how you got my mobile number, but it’s too late to do anything about it now, isn’t it?) sent to DTSFT HQ from men in need. In the two years that have passed since my last DTSFT Men’s Column, so much has happened, and not all good stuff. An anti-feminist party stood for parliament in 2015; a creepy, bum-fluff bearded man-child tried to organise a li’l rape rally; and Anthony Mackie starved to death.  It’s no coincidence that this all happened in my absence, and I’d like to take this opportunity to apologise to women all over the world for my lack of attention, for not keeping men in check, for not responding to the mountains of correspondence from desperate men, just looking for a light in the darkness of their ignorance. It was my job, MY JOB, to make sure men knew how to respect women, and I was asleep at my desk. I apologise.  With that said, I’d like to crack on with my latest advice column. It seems apt that this column should return almost two years to the day since the last post, so I picked a letter that addressed the same topic as last time.  From Peter in Gravesend:

 

“Hi Helen,

I want to take my girlfriend on a romantic getaway for Valentine’s Day, but I’ve got no idea what to do.  Recently, she and I have been really getting into Breaking Bad, and I was thinking of taking her to a swanky hotel for some Netflix and chill, if you know what I mean… Do you have any advice or ideas other than this?”

 

Hi Peter.  Well, first of all, kudos to you for asking for my advice; people don’t realise how stupid and ignorant they really are until they hear my opinion. Some people are so embarrassed by their own stupidity that they disappear off the face of the earth and I never hear from them again, which is a shame.  Secondly, it’s a good thing you mentioned Breaking Bad, because as it happens ‘Netflix and chill’ is so 2015 – this year it’s all about ‘Hulu and arguing’, and I don’t want to see you and your girlfriend arguing, Peter, I just don’t, I can’t bear the thought of you two being unhappy, it just fucking tears me apart, man. Don’t let Hulu do this to you.

What both of you need to do, what everybody needs to do, is to just calm down. And what better way to calm down than with some delicious meth? This Valentine’s Day, you don’t need to go to some expensive, swanky hotel; just get her some of that crystal she’ll never lose interest in, and you’ll never have to worry about what to get her ever again.

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No need to thank me, Peter, I’m just doing my job.

 

@bythesheetstore

 

 

Men of the Year 2014

David Oyelowo

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You may or may not recognise the name, but you will sure as hell recognise the man. Mr Oyelowo has been in some of the biggest films of the last five years – The Help, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, and Lincoln to name just three – and this year was no different. With roles in Interstellar and A Most Violent Year, David’s career seems to be getting bigger and better, culminating in a brilliant performance as Martin Luther King Jr. in the highly recommended Selma. As our very own Sarah put it, he’s come a long way since Spooks.

Chris Pratt

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Whether he’s Fat Pratt or Six Pack Pratt, we’re smitten with the Parks and Recreation star – his turn as Star-Lord in Guardians Of The Galaxy has seen him go from (please excuse this next word) cuddly, cute comedy actor to bonafide box-office banger. And before you say it, no it’s not *just* his looks that have us hooked – Pratt’s hilarious performance as Emmet in The Lego Movie appealed to viewers of all ages and his voice was perfect for the earnest and enthusiastic hero. And good lord was it difficult to make a decision on which picture of him to use for this post. I spent HOURS researching…

John Boyega

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Since the end of November, there’s only one film anyone has been talking about, and it doesn’t even come out for another year – Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens. The trailer opens with a young man popping up on screen looking panicked and exhausted – that’s our John Boy(ega)! With a lead role in arguably the most hotly anticipated film of next year, we’re so impressed that the star of Attack The Block and Half of A Yellow Sun has seen so much success so early on in his career – and he’s still only 22 years old!

John Oliver

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When Jon Stewart took a break from hosting The Daily Show this summer to direct his film Rosewater, he could have picked any of the show’s correspondents to stand in for him, and he chose the only British one. John Oliver did a fantastic job of hosting the show; he was already hugely popular with the audience, you could tell this from the rapturous applause he received whenever he hosted a segment. His brand of super-sarcastic, verbose humour was wasted on the absolutely dire Mock The Week, and he’s much better suited and appreciated in his role as a correspondent on a fake news show. Sure, he looks like a Jim Henson muppet come to life, but he actually did such a good job that he was given his own show on HBO, Last Week Tonight with John Oliver, which is similar to The Daily Show but with even more sarcasm and a British accent – what more could you want? And speaking of The Daily Show alumni…

Stephen Colbert

Stephen Colbert

This year, Stephen Colbert was announced as David Letterman’s replacement for when the talk-show king steps down in 2015. While the DTSFT ladies agree that it would be nice to see someone other than a white, middle-aged man hosting a late-night chat show, we’re still pretty pleased with the choice that’s been made. Stephen has come a long way since his days as a correspondent on The Daily Show, landing his own show in 2005, The Colbert Report, which sadly came to an end in December with a final episode packed full of callbacks to earlier episodes and a sing-along with his favourite recurring characters and guests. It’s going to be weird to see him hosting as himself rather than the conservative character (also named Stephen Colbert) that he has played for so long, but we’re definitely excited to see what he has to offer.

 Kailash Satyarthi

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Along with Malala Yousafzai, Kailash was the recipient of the 2014 Nobel Prize for his tireless campaigning for children’s rights. The access to education, which we in the Western world take for granted, has been a focus point for Mr Satyarthi, and his Nobel Prize was well-deserved.

Peter Capaldi

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Here at DTSFT, we were delighted with the casting of Peter Capaldi as The Twelfth Doctor, as he made a nice change from the potato-faced Matt Smith. His turn as Mr Curry in Paddington also brought him to the attention of a new and younger audience, who will hopefully be tuning in to be utterly terrified by Doctor Who.  Mwuhahahaha!

Chris Evans, Sebastian Stan, and Anthony Mackie

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Yeah I’m lumping them all in together because otherwise this post will go on forever – it’s the Captain America: The Winter Soldier gang! With Hannah’s insatiable lust for Sebastian Stan, there was no way the DTSFT ladies were going to leave this trio off the Men of The Year list. While we’ll have to wait for Captain America: Civil War to see the boys back onscreen together, you could check out ‘Playing It Cool’ for a cheeky helping of Evans and Mackie. We’re especially proud of Evans for his directorial debut, Before We Go, as well as his role in the dark action thriller, Snowpiercer – give it a UK release date, god DAMMIT!

Chadwick Boseman

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Chadwick made waves last year with his role as Jackie Robinson in the magnificent 42, and it looks like the next few years are going to be no different for this versatile actor. After portraying soul legend James Brown in the biopic Get On Up, Boseman is set to star as the Marvel character Black Panther in not one but TWO upcoming Marvel movies – Captain America: Civil War and Black Panther. Chadwick, you complete and utter BANGER.

Jack O’Connell

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Unlike some actors who seem to love the limelight more than the craft, Jack O’Connell is a young actor who has worked hard at his talent and is finally starting to get some recognition. After making his name with a role in Skins and films like Private Peaceful and Harry Brown, this intense young actor’s star has continued to rise and this year saw him in three of the most talked about films – ’71, 300: Rise of an Empire, and Angelina Jolie-directed Unbroken. From interviews I’ve watched, he doesn’t seem all too comfortable on the chat-show circuit, which I think makes for a better actor – the less we know about him, the more believable he’ll be in his roles.

DTSFT Men’s Column #20 – Valentine’s Day

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It’s that time of year again where people won’t shut the hell up about Valentine’s Day. Supermarkets get decked out in red and pink, adverts are all geared towards THAT SPECIAL DAY, and the internet explodes with updates, ‘listicles’ and blogs about whether we should care about Valentine’s Day or not. It’s easy for me, because I don’t care about anything, so when I see you and your beloved other halves flaunting your happiness all over social media, it doesn’t have any effect on me here in my emotional vacuum.  But that hasn’t stopped me from helping those of you who reach out to me in your time of need, and this week’s cry for help comes from Finn in Newcastle.

“Hi Helen,

I need help, I’ve been going out with this girl for two months and she’s lovely and all, but she’s been dropping mad hints on Facebook since the start of the month. She’s been liking certain pages and pictures of jewellery, retweeting stupid tweets from those ‘Just Girl Things’ twitter accounts, and pointing out flowers and chocolates in shop windows. I can’t handle it. I want to do something nice for Valentine’s Day just so she doesn’t stress out at me, but it has to be something small and not too serious. Any ideas?”

Finn, I’ll be honest with you.  A lot of ladies would see your attitude towards Valentine’s Day as a reflection of your attitude towards your girlfriend – too laid back, non-committal, lazy. To me, the fact that you feel like you need to do something for Valentine’s Day just to placate her says a lot. What about what YOU want, Finn? Are you going to just drop everything and organise your Friday night around going for some expensive meal just because your SELFISH girlfriend expects it? I think Valentine’s Day should be renamed ‘Meaningless-Occasion-Where-Men-Fork-Out-Stupid-Amounts-of-Cash-For-Stupid-Shit-That-Their-Girlfriends-Don’t-Need-But-Want-Because-They’re-Shiny-And-Society-Dictates-That-This-Must-Be-Done-Because-Of-The-Date Day’. I don’t know what’s going to be next, Finn, but I would bet that it involves you giving up everything you have, everything you LOVE, everything you’ve worked hard for all your life, just so that your girl can have her throw pillows and scented candles and stickers and weird floral head-dresses.

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Did you know, Finnikins, that at 9pm on Friday 14th, E4 are showing Beverly Hills Cop, ITV4 are showing Police Academy, and BBC Three are showing Enemy of the State? That’s enough of a dilemma in itself. I mean, which one are you going to choose?  You don’t need the extra stress of paying for an expensive meal and flowers when you’re already faced with a quandary such as this.  And two months is nothing, Finny. I’ve had longer relationships with ear-wax, but my sexual preference is not the subject here – the bottom line is this: you need a compromise. My suggestion is getting a takeaway and watching something on the TV, and then going out on a romantic midnight arson rampage. It’s the only logical thing to do.

DTSFT Men’s Column #19 – Cellulite

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I’ve been on a secret government mission for the last few months, which is why I haven’t done quite as many DTSFT Men’s Column updates as I should have. Anyway, we managed to subdue the aliens and I’m back home now, ready to advise all of you poor, helpless chaps who’ve been desperate for my guidance.  I sorted through the thousands of emails and letters you’ve sent in – which is weird because I don’t know how you got my home address – and I found one that seems like a good place to start, it comes from Paul in Hemel Hempstead.

“hey helben, hows it? good? yeah. anyway my m8s and i signed up for the gym in january so we could get fit and that, and i met this girl and we hit it off but then like 4 weeks later she’s kind of stopped going to the gym but at the same time she’s complaining about her cellulite and i’m like come gym then and she’s like you did not just and i’m like what do you want me to say boo?  so what i need help with is what does she want me to say?”

A lot to take in there, Paul. Firstly, it’s HELEN not Helben, honestly, sometimes I wonder why I bother. Secondly, well done you for sticking with the gym for more than 4 weeks; I was thinking about joining a gym but I couldn’t even stick with that train of thought for more than 4 seconds, and that happens to me a lot. Hahaha have you seen the one where Pops makes Benson stop yelling at Mordecai and Rigby and he almost explodes? Thirdly, the issue at hand.  This requires a three-step approach, which I will now outline as part of my soon-to-be published guide, “How To Be A Wuman”.

So Your Girlfriend Wants Your Opinion – “The Hint Trap”

Often when your girlfriend makes a comment, she is simultaneously asking you a question and also expecting you to give an answer so perfect that it literally doesn’t exist. Some examples of this well-disguised trap:

“I wish I had a body like Beyonce” – TELL ME MY BODY IS SEXY

“Ugh, I hate my laugh” – TELL ME MY LAUGH IS SEXY

“My hands always smell of egg” – TELL ME MY HANDS ARE EGGY

The reason for this is simple; women, like most people, are human beings, and human beings are invariably selfish and terrible.  I mean, who asks a question when they don’t really want to hear what you have to say? Don’t answer that. My point is, you have to tread carefully.  So she said she hated her cellulite, and you replied that she should come to the gym. Dude, you’re totally right, but what you said actually wasn’t right. But what else could you have said?

“I love your cellulite, babes”

WRONG.  If you say this, you’re confirming to her that not only does she have cellulite, but that you’ve noticed it, so you’re just going to get a whole load more “you did not just”  responses out of her, probably as she screams and throws dumbbells at you. Oh no wait, she doesn’t go to the gym. She’ll probably just throw jars of jam at you.

There is one, just ONE, fool-proof answer that can be used in this kind of situation, and if you use it correctly you will be guaranteed a safe landing. Follow these steps:

1. Stare her down.

2. Start a slow hand-clap.

3. Keep clapping as you back away slowly.

4. Avoid that person for the rest of your life.

Stay safe, Paul, and keep your pimp hand strong.

pimp-walking

5 Things That Need To Stop in 2014

Oh what, did you think I’d forgotten? Or that I’d somehow stopped being a cynic? I expected more from you people.  Well actually, I’m a cynic, so I didn’t expect anything from you at all.

Let’s face it, 2013 was good but it was no 2012, that’s for sure.  And despite my list of demands suggestions for things that should stop in 2013, nothing really changed, did it? So rather than re-hash those same sentiments, I’ve got a new list, one that might be easier to stick to, and as ever these aren’t the big issues that the world needs to focus on. These are the big issues that YOU need to focus on.

5. Mason jars

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If you’ve ever looked at a craft board on Pinterest, you’ll no doubt have come across a load of links to websites for ‘50 Gifts in Mason Jars’ or ‘100 Ways To Use Mason Jars’. There’s only one way to use mason jars, and that’s the way you use ANY jar. You put stuff in it and then that’s it, that’s all, that’s everything. They’re storage, plain and simple. For example, you can store a healthy meal in a mason jar, and layer up the vegetables so that they look colourful and pretty. I wonder how colourful and pretty that meal will look once you’ve tipped it out onto a plate because you can’t scoop your food out properly, and then had to run a spoon around the inside to get every bit of it out. What a hassle. I’ve seen tutorials for melting down candles into mason jars so that instead of a candle in its own glass, you’ve got a candle in its own mason jar. Ooooooooh!  How quaint and rustic, it’ll go so well next to your iPhone speakers! And people will know how thrifty and good at crafts you are when they see your home-made candle next to your £20 foundation and your £350 boots.

MASON JAR GARDEN

Oh, but you’re going to fill yours with sand and put candles in them to light your garden on a summer night? USE SOLAR LIGHTS OR FAIRY LIGHTS LIKE EVERYONE ELSE.

Oh but you’re going to fill yours with a refreshing cucumber and mint drink that will detox your body, and refresh and hydrate your skin? DRINK WATER FROM YOUR FILTHY, CUPPED HANDS LIKE A NORMAL PERSON.

Oh but you’re going to fill yours with little bits of paper, on which you’ve written your hopes and dreams for 2014? GIVE UP ON YOURSELF AND HUMANITY LIKE THE REST OF US.

4. Talking

Why do people talk all the time? Why can’t they shut up for a minute and let me think?

 3. Sharing ‘must-see links’ on Facebook and Twitter

I get it, people.  You feel guilty that you can’t get out there and be an inspiration to other people, or that you’re not changing the world in some dramatic, emotional way.  So instead, you share videos of people talking – and if you read number 4 on this list, you’ll know that I’m not okay with talking.

To be more specific, spoken-word poetry. For a start, the name itself annoys me – ‘spoken word poetry’.  Poetry is words, words are either read or spoken, therefore two out of the three parts of that name are redundant, they should just call it ‘words’. So ‘words’ then, people are sharing videos of people standing up in front of others and saying ‘words’.  Some of them are interesting to listen to because they’re funny or insightful – there are many videos on Youtube of poets like T. Miller who are actually great, but for every great poet there are a hundred more who think that just by using the same tired inflections and cadences in their voice they can turn their blah-blahs into poetry. Take Pages Matam:

Here’s his BRAVE PERFORMANCE of a poem he wrote after hearing a woman on the bus being told that her looks meant she’d never be raped.  People shared this video, hailing this man for being strong and caring about women so much that he bravely stood up and shared his words in front of a group of people, his words about how to support and respect women despite the fact that in the situation he clearly didn’t do a damn thing to support and respect the woman in question.

Don’t get caught up in the bullshit, people. They’re just throwing together long rambling sentences that require them to take a breath before a few shorts, blunt sentences with sad/angry looks, waving their hands as if they’re arguing for their life when in fact they’re just tricking you into believing what they’re saying is in some way meaningful or insightful because they’ve just got many words to say before symbolically dropping the mic and walking off the stage. See what I’m doing? I’m using their form for that paragraph.  And it worked.

*drops mic, walks off the stage*

2. Miniature and hybrid food

Guys, I’m really not okay with this. There’s nothing ‘cute’ about miniature cupcakes or mini muffins or whatever.  It’s essentially party food, and the ironic thing about party food is that unless the entire platter of mini pizzas is for me, no-one is going to have a good time because I’ll be crying in the corner and shouting abuse at the host/hostess for not providing enough food. It’s just rude, to be honest.

Sadly, this doesn't have a tilt-shift effect, they're really just small

Sadly, this doesn’t have a tilt-shift effect, they’re really just small

But hybrid food is the main issue here.  Cronuts, for fuck’s sake. A cross between a doughnut and a WHO GIVES A SHIT? EAT BOTH. EAT BOTH AND SHUT UP.

cronutWhy are they trying to improve doughnuts? They’re already perfection, it’s blasphemous, quite frankly. Doughnuts were doing great, and then someone filled them with jam and blew our minds, and then someone else filled them with custard and spun our heads, and then someone filled them with cream and covered them with chocolate and changed the game, man.

Then we became greedy. We got ahead of ourselves. We abused our baking powers and starting messing around with things, creating our own monsters like culinary Frankensteins in our kitchen laboratories.

Also, if ‘cronut’ was spelt ‘croughnut’, people might pronounce it as ‘cruffnut’, and that’s so unappealing.

1. Mumford and Sons-ing songs

Look, guys. We live in a world where it’s cheaper to buy a new phone than replace it. If something breaks, we don’t need to fix it because we’re so used to things being disposable, so if our coats or jumpers get a tear in them we just get a new one. If we get a hole in our boots, we’ll just buy a new pair instead of taking them to the cobblers.  And speaking of cobblers, Mumford and Sons.

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This folk revival that’s been gradually happening has reached a point where even Gary bloody Barlow is influenced by Mumford and Sons. Fast chords on a guitar, a banjo in the background and wearing tweed, that’s all you need to make a Mumford and Sons song.  Back in 2012 when Phillip Phillips (that’s his actual name) won American Idol, his winner’s song wasn’t a huge ballad, it was a folk-style song with plenty of drums and twanging guitars as if they were trying to convince you that he’d won a country fair rather than a national televised singing competition.

Mumford and Sons, I’m calling out – you’ve released the same song over and over again and managed to distract the general public by doing things like casting Hollywood actors in your videos and marrying Carey Mulligan.  But your reign of terror is over. It’s time for you to go.

DTSFT’s Men Of The Year 2013

Yes indeedy, that time has come around yet again, 2013 is drawing to a close, so it’s time to reflect over the 12 months that have gone DTSFT style – which is OGLE AT SOME HOTTIES.

Here are some fine fellows that got our attention this year (you can also check out our Women of the Year here).

Peter Capaldi

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Never mind The Day Of The Doctor, 2013 was pretty much The Year Of The Doctor, as one of the UK’s longest running TV shows celebrated its 50th anniversary. It was also the year that we found out that Matt Smith was ending his run as The Doctor and Mr. Capaldi was revealed as his successor in an unnecessarily long TV special. Still, he is a fantastic actor (he was brilliant in The Thick Of It and we got to see a bit of him in action in The Time Of The Doctor) and we can’t wait to watch his version of The Doctor when the new series starts next year.

Orlando Bloom, Luke Evans and Lee Pace

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The second part of The Hobbit trilogy was released in early December, and with it brought some familiar faces as well as some new ones. Beautiful blonde elf Legolas returned and he was more badass then ever, kicking serious hiney whenever he was on screen (for those who have seen it, the fight scene that took place along the river really was something, wasn’t it?) He was also joined by his steely and mysterious father, Thandril, which was played superbly by Lee Pace, and Luke Evans as Bard the Bowman, the ordinary villager who turned out to be pretty nifty with a bow and arrow.

We’ll be seeing more of them in The Hobbit: There And Back Again, which is out next year, and we can’t wait to watch what happens to their characters next.

David Suchet

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From saying hello to new characters, to saying farewell to long standing ones. 2013 saw the end of the period crime series Poirot, and of course David Suchet, who has been playing the titular character for over 20 years. The moustachioed detective will be truly missed. Au revoir, mon amie!

Tom Hanks and Bakhad Abdi

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Captain Phillips was released in September, and has been considered to be in the running for an Oscar, and it’s easy to see why. The film is fantastic, with Tom Hanks giving a stunning performance as Captain Phillips, and Bakhad Abdi equally amazing as Abduwali Muse.  They both gave truly Oscar-worthy performances which is why they are on our list this year.

Henry Cavill

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A little known film called Man of Steel was released this year and we all (well, 3/4 of us) really enjoyed it, one particularly sexy reason being Jersey boy (and Helen’s husband) Henry Cavill. The man is literally Superman, with his thick black curls, striking blue and eyes and god-like physique, plus he’s got good acting chops to boot. We know he’s playing the lead role in The Man From U.N.C.L.E.  and we can’t wait to see his quite frankly f*cking stunning face again.

Ashley Taylor-Dawson

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This year, I did something that I had never done before…I watched Strictly Come Dancing. And it was actually really fun. But the person who stood out most for me was Hollyoaks’ actor Ashley Taylor-Dawson, who I thought was really rather good. I was gutted when he was voted off, and when I found out that he wasn’t on the tour due to conflicting schedules, but if he is in it next year I’m definitely getting a ticket. And isn’t he just gorgeous? We love you, Ashley!

Idris Elba

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The ruggedly handsome Idris Elba graced our screens as Luther for one last time in the explosive final series (but a movie is in the works) and he’s taken on the powerful role of the late, great Nelson Mandela in Long Walk To Freedom. I also had the opportunity to see him do a DJ set at Love + Liquor earlier this year and he was brilliant. His place on our list is well deserved!

Mads Mikkelsen and Hugh Dancy

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There were some excellent TV shows this year, but the one that was on top of the list was Hannibal. It’s a dark, gritty and very, very gory drama that constantly has you at the edge of your seat. The Great Dane Mads Mikkelsen and the dashing Hugh Dancy were both brilliant as the roles of Hannibal Lecter and Dr Will Graham respectively, making their relationship both respectful and obsessive at the same time. As expected, it’s back for a second season next year, and if you haven’t seen the poster for it, go check it out. It’s awesome.

And on a sidenote: look at Mikkelsen’s EPIC VIKING HAIR:

mads mikkelsen epic hair

Jamie Foxx and Christoph Waltz

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Django Unchained was my favourite film of 2013, and part of the reason is because of these two. Jamie Foxx was a perfect choice as Django, and as always, Christoph Waltz was fantastic as Dr King Shultz, the dentist turned bounty hunter. The two of them are so cute on and off screen, and not forgetting to mention Waltz’s Oscar win in January, it was a no-brainer to put them on the list!

Guy Pearce

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Spectacles have never looked sexier. Guy Pearce graced our screens in on of DTSFT’s favourite films of the year, Iron Man 3, as sharp-suited villain Uldrich Killian. And boy did he work those suits (I was also feeling the loafer look…nice touch). He was also inducted onto the HCGI list, which is quite a big accolade round these parts. He definitely is an underrated actor and we hope to see more of him next year.

Daft Punk

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Let’s face it, guys. Get Lucky was THE song of 2013. All throughout summer, it was being blasted out from radios, mp3 players, TV adverts and nightclub speakers. And not only did Daft Punk release a brand new song, they released a brand spanking new album to go with it – Random Access Memories (which is pretty good, by the way). It was great to see them back after so many years…here’s hoping there’s a tour of some sort next year.

Artem Chigvintsev, Aljaz Skorjanec, Brendan Cole and Kevin Clifton

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aljaz

brendan cole

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As I admitted before, I watched Strictly Come Dancing this year. The Grand Final was a pretty spectacular show, and it was then that I noticed the professional dance partners of the final four (Natalie Gumede, Abbey Clancy, Sophie Ellis-Bextor and Susanna Reid). They’re all amazing dancers and absolutely stunning (seriously, these pics don’t do them justice, to be honest). It’s got me in the mood for the next series…and maybe possibly a ticket for the tour…maybe?

Luke Friend

'Thor: The Dark World' World Premiere

Relax – Lukey-Luke is the only reality TV show contestant that will appear on this list. Luke Friend was the underdog on this year’s series of The X Factor, but his unique voice and mad hair saw him get all the way to the finals. His rendition of Seal’s Kiss From A Rose was probably one of the best performances in the show’s ten-year history, and although he had the tendency to ‘Mumford-and-Sons’ everything, he was unlike any other contestant that had ever been on the show. Sadly he finished third, losing out to bland teenager Nicholas MacDonald who will probably fade into obscurity by March. Astounding.

Andy Murray

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Do we really need to explain why? (But if you’ve been living under a rock, we will explain). He became the first man to Wimbledon in decades! Congratulations, champ!

Happy New Year!

DTSFT Team

He Could Get It…Lee Pace

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WHY? We’ve had the delightfully ghoulish with the excellent series of HCGIs for Halloweek (The Gentlemen being my personal favourite), but now its back to perving over more heavenly creatures.

I have seen Lee Pace in the flesh. Not close up sadly but we were in the same room breathing the same air and so we’re technically married. He really knows how to sit on a chair, you guys. He sat the hell out of that chair.

He’s like a real life Disney prince but with a personality and minus the horse-drawn carriage. And at 6′ 3 Lee’s height game is on lock, so he can do cool stuff like…like reach top shelves and…and bend slightly when he walks in your room. Yeah, that stuff.

I’ll be seeing The Desolation of Smaug mostly for him, now. If you’re going to kneel to one formidable, otherworldly king this year, forget Loki – make it Thranduil and his insane swordplay.

@thatmissdeen