Now, if there’s one thing I know about, it’s delicious food. This week’s task saw the candidates create a ‘luxury dessert’ to sell to Waitrose and a few other shops. It was never going to be as exciting as the other tasks where they end up running around and trying to sell all their stock; these tasks are pretty straightforward and therefore they have fewer opportunities for drama, in my opinion. That doesn’t mean they’re less watchable, even with Solomon’s bloody idiot face on screen all the sodding time. To be quite honest, all this episode did was make me hungry for custard. Custard and blood – or as it’s known in Shakeaway, ‘The Hungry Helen’.
Here’s your roundup, you filthy apes:
Roisin tells Katie they’re going to the Tate. Katie asks “Like the art gallery?”
No Katie, the torture chamber, of course the sodding art gallery
If that was the case, Katie, I’m sure Solomon’s offering would be just shit and apricot jam smeared on an Etch-A-Sketch
None of your business what I spend my money on, thank you very much, bit rude
So Lord Sugar set them off on their ‘luxury pudding’ task. I feel like one team was more likely to feel inspired to be creative than the other, for some reason…
I think she was chosen to lead the team because her name is the closest to a food than any of the others (raisin), but clearly Roisin couldn’t wait to get her teeth into this task anyway
And Katie was living Sarah’s citrussy dream when she was tasting those ingredients
OH NO! LEMONS!
Sweet Pleasure is an Ann Summers range isn’t it?
Daniel is one of those bastards who really wants to play on the ‘I’m uneducated, meh meh, I’m a self-made man” nonsense. Just shut up. People on this show always think that saying they didn’t go to university will make Lord Sugar like them more, as if he’s some anti-intellectual reverse-snob.
Honestly, just shut up
I can’t explain how little patience I have with Solomon. There’s nothing you could say to me to convince me that he hasn’t suffered some kind of massive, near-fatal head injury.
I mean honestly
I’m so done
Just look at this stupid face. I promise you, these expressions were prompted by absolutely NOTHING.
In the kitchen, Katie tried out the ingredients for ‘A Trifle Different’ (more like A DIFFERENT TRIFLE, AMIRITE? No? Fine, be like that) although she wasn’t sure if they were safe to eat or not…
…but when you’re asking this bloke, who looks like he’s assessing Katie’s skin for his next lampshade, could you really be sure that he has your best interests at heart?
“My middle name’s ‘Generous’, by the way” Really? Mine’s ‘Short Fuse’, now fuck off
I’M ON TV
“Chilli sauce? All salad?”
“The name is Tea Pot, it’s a play on the words Tea Pot” – No, that’s not a play on words, it’s just the words, idiot
As far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing luxurious about ANY dessert that you can buy in a jar, you’re never going to win. Luxury for me would be having someone bring me a massive cake on a plate while ANGELS SURROUND ME WITH A WARMING GLOW AND TRANQUIL HARP MUSIC. And I think I know which of these two desserts looks more appetising:
I’ve seen these grazing consumers that Roisin keeps referring too, but they’re not knocking about in Waitrose – they’re in fields next to the motorway.
This bloke’s comedy stylings – you just know that as soon as he heard there was tea involved he had that joke… brewing. SEE?! I’M PART OF IT! HAHAH!
Mark thinks of himself as a ‘prize stallion’, but…have you ever seen a prize stallion cough?
They shoot horses, don’t they, Mark?
Nah but 10/10 would still bang
Karren went HAM in this episode, she didn’t let anything slip between the cracks – taking down Sanjay for his comments about Bianca, then Katie for trying to play down how poorly her product was received – dammmmn girl
Sanjay got caught up in Karren’s take-down of Mark
Boss. Ass. Bitch.
Nick got a precision shot in too:
And it seems like word of Mark’s dry throat problem had spread to the other candidates, who were keen not to ‘pull a Mark’ (copyright pending)
Those blue macaroons on the prize looked rank, ugh, food isn’t meant to be blue, that’s just SCIENCE
OH MY GOD A FRONT(ISH) VIEW OF THE RECEPTIONIST
So, in the boardroom Lord Sugar questioned the feasibility of the three candidates’ business proposals. Now, I know that they’re putting these people through knowing that what they *say* they do is not what they *actually* do. Also do they not have to submit some kind of summary of their business proposal as part of the application? Why would you let Sanjay even be on the show if you know his business idea isn’t lucrative? I also don’t believe that ‘opening a restaurant’ is a substantial enough idea for going into business with Lord Sugar, it’s too basic.
Ultimately, I think the right candidates were fired. How do these people stay so respectful when they’ve been fired? I’d be kicking the chairs over, throwing water at Karren and Nick, pulling the receptionists hair. Blaze of glory, mate. Next episode is – drumroll please – now stop the drumroll and continue reading, sorry that was unproductive – THE INTERVIEW ROUND! The trailer showed Bianca crying which makes me sad, because I want her to win and also not be sad. But you know this one is going to be as brilliant as ever, I live for this episode of each series, and even better is that RICKY MARTIN is back! Not, y’know, that Ricky Martin, but… wait where are you going? It’s still going be good, guys, hey, HEY HEY COME BACK! SHE BANGS! SHE BANGS!