The Apprentice 2014 Episode 7 – DTSFT Roundup

apprentice

Well, hasn’t it been a bloody while since I did the roundup? Yes, I missed the last one because of stupid illness, but I’m BACK, bitches. No wait, not bitches, friends and readers, that’s better.

So this episode we saw the two teams coming up with a drink from the recipe conception to the pitch, with a slight twist – half of each team were in New York filming adverts and doing pitches, while the other half of each team were at home in London coming up with the actual drink and the rest of the marketing campaign. It’s cool to see the candidates taking on tasks like this, partly because it’s interesting to see what they can create (in this case ‘Big Dawg’ and ‘Aqua Fusion’), but also mostly because I like to see when someone has an idea that they really want to go with but no-one else is buying it, like Sarah with her lemons way back at the start. Also, you knew as soon as the New York trip got thrown into the mix that there’d be at least one person sorely put out to not be going; in this case, it was Daniel and Sanjay who were held back in London, and spent the rest of the task griping about it.

Here’s the roundup:

Look at this excitable prick running around first thing in the morning, just fuck off, you’re an adult.

Solomon

Nick, being tired of everyone’s shit before the task even started
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Lord Sugar’s other business call was just an excuse, I reckon old Alan’s just tired of looking at those pasty, disgusting faces in the flesh. This looks like a scene from a poorly cast remake of George Orwell’s 1984

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Katie telling Felipe “We can’t all go”, fully expecting that Felipe would be kept back in London instead of her

Mark’s lie about working in marketing and advertising was like when you put “childcare” on your CV when you’ve really just done some babysitting

It looks like they’re working in some kind of restaurant kitchen based on this shot

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“I will work my nuts off to get the best product” Please don’t say that about a drink and then suggest ‘Love Water’, Daniel. It really doesn’t ‘excel expectations’.

How has this idiot lasted so long?

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You could tell just by looking at it that Tenacity’s drink was going to taste weak, it looked watery as fuck.

Loved Roisin’s line “Sanjay, if you listen to anything James says, you’re a fool”

Katie looked a little bit like a witch in this scene, which was also weirdly reminiscent of the candle-making episode

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This is not a face that inspires confidence in a product.

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James saying “dragonfly” instead of “dragonfruit” made me want to punch him in the throat. If only James’ lifespan was 24 hours…

The design company’s cat was obviously the star of the show

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And the look on this guy’s face was priceless

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I paused the video at this facial expression from Felipe purely by accident and felt it was necessary to include it.

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Look at Solomon’s smug, stupid bastard face

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This shot of all the people who were impressed by the two drinks on offer in this task

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Come on now, readers, let us know – what dog would YOU be? Personally I’d be one of them dogs that carries brandy or whatever round the mountains. They definitely exist.

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How sly is it to just say “Can you just be better at catching?” Felipe, why can’t you just be better throwing?

headball

Fam.

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 “The world is as big as our oyster” James, just… just don’t.

Loved Bianca’s cheeky face when she said “We’re just going to PAW some samples out for you”

When James, Bianca and Sanjay got trapped inside a giant one of those utensil holders from IKEA.

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Does anyone else find it so annoying when they say stuff like “We chose bright colours to stand out and a large font to be visible etc etc”, basic level stuff that’s so fucking obvious, you don’t need it described?

Do you need someone to make every conversation awkward and force a sexual innuendo into every single situation? This looks like a job for… Phallic Symbol Guy! Fucking idiot.

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Lauren’s pitch was like when you haven’t prepared for a project at school, just reading out verbatim what’s been printed out the night before.

I normally don’t like Daniel – I believe I’ve made that clear several times – but on this task I feel like Mark was definitely setting him up from the beginning. I liked when he mimicked Lauren’s line in the advert – I think he’s being edited as a more humourless, mean version of himself, like we’re not getting the whole story.

As soon as they went into the boardroom I realised that next week there’ll only be one person standing up in front of Lord Sugar – awkwaaaaard.

What was also awkward was when Lauren ALMOST left Felipe hanging after the pitch

Screen Shot 2014-11-24 at 21.58.58

You can always trust Karen to be straight to the point – “There was no way James wasn’t going to New York, was there?”

Sanjay was so upset that James didn’t push for him to go to America, he was SO JEALOUS, that’s why he bitched and moaned through the whole episode. Remember how he called himself a 9 out of 10?

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Yeah it’s an arty shot or whatever but I’m just interested in those bakewell tarts, baby

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I think Daniel took Mark down in the boardroom, I don’t care what anyone says – sure, his choices for the design got rightly slated, but I like how Daniel called Mark out on his sayings, accusing him of having them stored away to use, so true.

Daniel was certainly determined not to go home this week, as shown here with his ‘defiant-little-boy-doesn’t-want-to-eat-his-vegetables’ face

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And finally, there was the crazy beautiful scenic p-o-r-n, special New York edition

Screen Shot 2014-11-24 at 21.36.11 Screen Shot 2014-11-24 at 21.47.45 NYC pics 2 NY pics 1 Empire State

I know, right?

Next week’s episode is something to do with a country fair, and I just know that the actual task is going to be boring as hell but I’m praying to all the religious deities that James falls on his stupid face into a pile of pig shit.

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