The Apprentice 2014 Episode 4 – DTSFT Roundup

apprentice

Guys, guys, you watched it, right? Tell me you watched it. If you haven’t – sod off and come back later when you’re done.

Okay, ready?

What the hell you guys, TRIPLE ELIMINATION, BABY! Yeah we all suspected there’d be a double again but BAM, three in a row? Nah, none of us expected that. This week’s task was one of those ones where we all reckon we could do a great job, but probably would end up screwing it up the same way the teams did. With ‘Dare to Dine’ competing against ‘Fat Daddy Fitness Hell’, I’m surprised anyone watched the videos (but then again, it was probably sent to all the BBC staff to give them at least a handful of views).

Here’s the roundup:

I’m going to start off with my favourite thing that has happened so far in this series, and is in my top 3 moments of all time of anything happening ever. Daniel woke up and banged his head on the side of the bed.

bang head

Do you even realise how funny this is? Hahahaha

Solomon asking Felipe to do his tie for him. Is it that he physically cannot do it for himself, or is he just so lazy? Either way, Felipe is too cute for doing it for him.

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But Solomon is totally the man for the job. He’s the internet man, you see.

“That’s right, Lord Sugar. You see, it’s about ethics in gaming journalism, and…”

Ella being TOTALLY CLEAR AND ALSO GOOD AT FILM THINGS

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Ella’s line of ‘I am me, I am Ella Jade’. Why do people think it’s such a cool thing to say stuff like “I’m just being me” or “I’m the only one of me”? Shut the hell up. Shut up. That’s basic common sense, not some special thing you’ve come up with to show how unique and extraordinary you are. Everyone is different, so shut up forever.

Cheeky little Felipe and his mole face, putting his ‘Fat Daddy’ idea into place with his self-deprecating self.  Also, how harsh is it that no-one looked bothered by the Fat Daddy concept other than the Geordie lass? (Still working on a nameless basis here because they’re all so powerfully forgettable)

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No, Felipe, you’re just MySpace-more-to-love

Over on the other team, check out the genius ideas on their chart. ‘Cafe Culanary’ is my favourite – remember, brightest minds in Britain here. Also, you can almost hear the conversations behind each of the suggestions.

“Blind Food, like blind-fold, get it?”

“James, why don’t you sit down and have your Cheesestring, yeah mate?”

“Okay Sally-man”

“It’s Solomon”

“Sommolon?”

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Sanjay, I think that banana is inflated enough, take your mouth off it.

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I like the crossover with the cameraman from a Scooby Doo episode. Zoinks!

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Not a real job. Nope.

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This picture looks like one of those random photos taken at a nightclub where a drunk business woman has bumped into her boyfriend’s younger brother, who is out on the lash with the rugby society from uni

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Look out, it’s a Bantersaurus! HILARIOUS!

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This delicious looking cartoon burger, what the hell is wrong with me?

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One true highlight of this episode was Steven’s truly cringe-inducing, rambling pitch – from his practice run to the real thing, it was just so long-winded and repetitive, it’s no wonder they weren’t successful. Here are some screenshots of his truly glorious nonsense:

Steven 1 steven 2 Steven 3 Steven 4

 Team Tenacity apparently recreating The Graduate, if this weirdly framed shot is anything to go by…

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Lord Sugar’s reaction to the Dare To Dine video, which was the same as everyone else’s…

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I thought it was very sweet of Lord Sugar to make this comment to Felipe:

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As it would have been easy for him to make some snarky fat-joke or mean comment. I also liked that these next two shots which followed directly the comment – it’s clear that James has totally misunderstood what Lord Sugar just said.

felipe james

Ultimately, Team Summit won with their dire Dare to Dine video, leaving Ella Jade and her teammates on Tenacity to head to the Bridge Cafe and await their fate. Steven had his strategy sorted. Claws in, cat:

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Lord Sugar had the chance to get a bit cheeky in the boardroom…

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And Ella Jade did bring him back, along with Sarah. After some fantastic bickering, lots of bitchy talking over one another and raised voices, the amazing triple elimination happened:

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Ella Jade’s last look through the door after not so gracefully accepting her fate – “Please Lord Sugar, I’ll learn from this, I promise, I’ll be so good, I’ll eat all my vegetables, please” – was superb, almost cinematic in its tragedy.

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There’s your documentary, mate

Finishing off this post with what little London p-0-r-n there was:

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To be brutally honest, the episode itself wasn’t up to  The Apprentice’s usual standard until the end, where it saved an otherwise mediocre episode. Next week is the coach trip task, where the teams will have to create London bus rides for tourists – this was the task where Stuart and Chris fell out and acted like total dickheads a few series back, so you know it’s going to be a good one…

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