I didn’t do episode 2. I apologise. I will fix this. For now – wake up and smell the candles, it’s episode 3 of The Apprentice.
This week, the two teams of plebs have to create and sell a fragranced candles, a task that seems easy enough – vanilla, round jar, little box, fuck it, sorted – but of course, this is The Apprentice and these bastards will find a way to make it look like the most difficult thing in the world. Despite a few hiccups, Katie led her team well with a clear interest in the products, while over on Roisin’s team it seemed like everyone just wanted the whole thing to be over.
Personally I quite like candles, but try to get me to buy one on the street for more than the pitiful change in my pocket and we’re going to have a problem. Here’s the roundup:
Katie: “I buy reed diffusers, candles, plug-ins, I do do that”
I liked the bit where they made sure everyone knows just how few scented candles there are on offer
“Everyone says I wanna go back to the beach, I miss the smell” I have never said that
Sarah trying to slyly get the conversation round to lemons again “People like food smells” and later “What about LEMONISE? It’s a made up word”. Hopefully after next week she’ll change her lemony ways. I doubt it though.
This outtake from the episode of GIRLs where they had an office in a taxi:
Nick’s powerful face
When Katie asked the sub-team to ask Sarah to be quiet because “She’s making no sense”
When we had to keep staring at what looked like pee
These two women who are so far off the radar that I keep forgetting they’re even contestants
This great shot of Nurun and Lindsay when Karen was calling them both weak links
I hate Daniel, okay? Stephen totally saved that pitch with his offer, and Daniel accused him of ruining the pitch with his interjection, even though the interjection WAS what saved the pitch. FUCK OFF DANIEL. Like I said on Twitter, he’s the guy who’ll try to be charming and buy you and a drink, and when you politely decline, he’ll call you a bitch.
And how about Mr 9 out of 10 for attractiveness over here?
I feel sorry for the delivery people who have to say “Delivery for Team Tenacity/Summit”
Of course Roisin loves the smell of linen, especially after Snow White changes all the bed sheets down at the cottage
This look from Bianca, which showed just how much faith she had in James’s ability to price things up.
Would you buy an expensive candle from a bloke in a waistcoat? Shut up.
Ugh, Sarah is so deliberately unhelpful sometimes, look at her body language, she’s so shit. Also, don’t call other women bossy when they’re just being in control of the project, you idiot.
James looking unimpressed with Nurun and Lindsay’s attempt at co-ordinating their outfits.
Karen SCHOOLING James on his RRP shit
Sarah lurking while the others made sales, then trying to convince the others that the price was too high – we’ve found the villains so early on in this series, you guys
I loved how everyone on team Summit was just going round selling the candles at whatever price they could think of, amazing
When Roisin’s team so rudely took a phonecall while trying to close a sale – we were all Karen in that moment
Lord Sugar seemed to think that the candle looked like a glass full of custard – I would legit pay £35 for a glass of custard, because that shit is delicious.
“Nevermind aloe vera, sounds like it’s goodbye Sarah”
I think we all wanted team Tenacity to take their leftover candles to the spa with them and try to sell them there
Of the bodies they could have shown being massaged, they chose Daniel and Felipe instead of Steven. Out-fucking-rageous.
James repeatedly interrupting actually gave me high blood pressure, just shut the hell up you prick
Then this beautiful moment of stretching
“I don’t trade in London, I’m from Peterborough” Best. Line. Ever.
Mr 9 our of 10’s face when Lindsay was talking herself out of a job
Why was yer man rolling his t-shirt sleeves up? Ain’t no gunshow here.
Oh and finally, more London p-o-r-n
It was as if this week was an architecture special, old and new. Glorious.
See you next week for the roundup, if my spine is okay after all the cringing…