I’ve been trapped down a well for several weeks and have been unable to respond to your Men’s Column queries. But never fear! I managed to climb out and fight a bear on my way home, so it’s time to dive in to the many, many letters and emails that you have been sending in. This week’s lucky chap is Llewellyn from Cardiff, who asks:
My crush has asked me to come to this awesome Halloween party, but my little sister wants me to take her trick-or-treating. What should I do? I don’t want to blow my chances with this girl, but I don’t want to let my little sister down. I mean, if things go well with this new lady, I’m hoping for a little trick-or-treat action myself, if you catch my drift.
Oooh, that’s a toughie, Llew. Firstly, stop saying ‘my crush’ – you’re not a 13 year old girl and this isn’t Sugar magazine god dammit, have some self respect. Secondly, yes I ‘catch your drift’ and ewww, ewwwww to yewwwww, Llewwwwww. Thirdly, you have to think about the long term repercussions of your actions; if you don’t take you sister trick-or-treating, for example, will she end up going alone? Is that safe for her to do? You don’t want to put her in harm’s way, I mean this isn’t a hotel in Portugal, you can’t just leave young children on their own.
How about this party, then? How do you know that this ‘crush’ of yours isn’t setting you up for a fall? Girls are terrible, Llewellyn. I’d bet money that your crush has invited you along just to make you jealous, or worse still give you the Carrie treatment. But let’s not be too harsh, let’s not jump to conclusions here – it could be completely innocent, and she might really like you, bro. So here’s what you do: take your little sister to do some trick-or-treating, then drop her off home and head to the party – I mean, how late can you stay out with a kid trick-or-treating, right? Just drop her home and hit up PartyTown. Better still, invite this chick out with you and your sister! Ladies love a family man, Llewellyn, she’ll be good to go, man. And most importantly, you MUST enter an abandoned/haunted house. Open any and all old leather-bound books, and recite out loud any texts in latin. It’s important to empty smoking potions into one another and then drink them, and if you see a black cat then it’s almost definitely a cursed boy from the 17th Century. This could be the adventure of a lifetime, Llewellyn, and you’re going to pass this opportunity up just to get some sweeties and treaties? Uh-uh. Naughty boy.