Saturday Special: Chicken Wangs

We had a gloriously crumbly Apple and Cinnamon Streusel Cake (complete with cute plate!) last week, and delightfully boozy espresso martinis from gin-queen Sophia the week before. This week we have….

WANGS.

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As in “wings” said with a Southern drawl, because that’s the ONLY acceptable way of talking about this dish. It is down home cooking to be eaten with the fingers and cheap white bread to scoop up all the nice bits left at the bottom.

TIP: If you’re going to eat these, eat them properly. I’m talking gristle and bone marrow folks. The marinade does make its way through the entire wing, and if you spent time on making it you should do it justice.

KAPOW! RECIPE!*

-About 4/5 spring onions

-One red chilli (I like it with the seeds in but if heat isn’t your thing then remove them)

-Garlic – as much or as little as you like

-Honey – same as above, but ideally just a squeeze

-Ginger (to switch it up, but this is optional)

-Half a white onion

1) Chop up the spring onions, red chilli, onion and garlic and mix together with the honey

2) Smother that goodness on your chicken wings. Leave to marinate for anything between a whole morning and overnight. The longer the better.

3) Fry

That is LITERALLY it. Either serve them on their own with something cold, or nestled next to some fluffy rice to make a meal out of it.

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At absolutely no point should cutlery be used to eat the wangs. I am not playing with you on this one.

*Calling it a recipe is an insult to real recipes and there aren’t any quantities of anything mentioned. Use those ingredients and go with the flow.

@thatmissdeen

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He Could Get It… JC Chasez

God must have spent a little more time on him

God must have spent a little more time on him, amirite?

WHY? To steal a phrase from Helen, when JC sings it’s like he IS music (see: Build My World). When he appeared on stage at the VMAs with the rest of *NSYNC he looked every bit as good as I remember, from his dark hair to the way his trousers fit him so very well.

My fangirly love for the man who likes to get jiggy to Prince is getting out of hand for the first time in roughly ten years. If he asked me to marry him tomorrow I’d happily pack in my job and move to America to be with him. Even if my gluttony, snoring, aversion to housework and the fact I still watch Tom and Jerry made him realise he made the biggest mistake of his 37 years and he binned me after a week (breathe!) I wouldn’t care- WE WOULD HAVE BEEN BETROTHED.

Did I mention how beautiful his eyes are? Because they’re beautiful. Like, PIXAR-beautiful. And never forget his thug appeal. Never.

5 Mashups to Make Everyday Feel Like a Party

Now that’s quite a statement and I don’t think these mashups will necessarily back it up but… 5 mashups that are pretty good didn’t sound as powerful.

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Mashups have been around for (according to Wikipedia) over 50 years in some kind of form. Recently they’ve been launched into the zeitgeist again through Glee or Pitch Perfect and music awards… None of these seem like hardcore dance events but mashups were always popular in clubs and these newer showings just mainstream them. So I’ve got five that I love for various reasons.

1. 212 Vs Bust a Move

Pitch Perfect revived my enjoyment of mashups particularly with this one. I hadn’t really heard any of Azealia Banks (yep, be ashamed) but I love Bust a Move (be ashamed?) so this mashup hit all the marks. I’ve linked to an extended version of the mashup.

2. I Can’t Get Blue Monday Out of My Head

I unashamedly love Blue Monday by New Order. Therefore, this is amazing.

3. That Got Mashed Tonight

I discovered The Jane Doze recently and am in love. This is my current fav of their mashups. Check them out – they have loads.

4. Girls Just Wanna Fix Up

Cyndi Lauper vs Dizzee Rascal? Should this be as good as it is? I don’t know…

5. Journey Without You

Ok so I’m still not fed up with Don’t Stop Believing (I blame this) but my main reason for including this was to give another mashup author? artist? group?

Maybe we’ll find some more great mashups and do this again but until then, dance your troubles away!

S x

DTSFT Men’s Column #12 – Foodie

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On this past fine Bank Holiday, I’m sure that many of you male readers of DTSFT probably felt lost without my guidance.  I’m sorry that you had to wait for this, but we here at DTSFT strictly adhere to public holidays (that is to say, don’t expect muchos posting around Christmas or even my birthday – which, I’m sure you’ll agree, should have been declared a public holiday many years ago).  So without further ado, let’s dive into that pile of letters from you guys, all awaiting my help…

This week’s question comes from Paul in Wimbledon:

I’ve recently started seeing a lovely girl, but the problem I’m having is that she’s a bit of a self-proclaimed ‘foodie’.  She always wants us to go to these off-beat restaurants or 5 star places with weird food to try, but I’m a steak and chips kind of guy.  Can you help me find a compromise?

Paul, I’ll be straight with you here – there ain’t no compromise. Sorry, double negative – just to clarify, there isn’t a compromise.  The moment a person says they’re a ‘foodie’, all you need to know is that it translates into ‘I’ll eat anything that has a fancy name and I love the sound of my own voice talking about the food I’ve just eaten’.

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I don’t want to advise you to be unchivalrous, P-Sauce (although it’d be hella funny to see you pull the chair out FOR her but then pull it out FROM UNDER her), but the next time this lady tries to drag you to some fancy fusion food establishment, you put your foot down and you say “NO!  Vile beast, thou hast draggest me to thy last choice of troughs, for mine palate can taketh no more!  FEAST thine eyes upon the succulent delights of the steak-house” then grab her by the hand and run to the nearest steak-house.  Now, I cannot vouch for the proximity of said steak-house, because I don’t know where you’ll be at any given time (yet). But it is a course of action that must be taken, young Paul.  Listen here…

People of Britain (and, indeed, the world),

 For too long have we endured the stuffy self-righteousness of the self-appointed foodies of the world.  Not once have we ever asked to know the origin of the dishes laid out in front of us, nor have we asked them to recount their own visits to the vineyard in which they tasted the wines far superior to those offered at the establishment in which we are currently eating.  We must stand together and end the tyranny, for it has gone on too long.  

 

Saturday Special: Apple & Cinnamon Streusel Cake

Here’s a recipe for a really delicious cake for you to try this Bank Holiday weekend – I’m not one to brag, but this cake was so delicious that angels descending from heaven to form an orderly queue, just for a piece of this tasty treat. It’s essentially a cake with a crumble topping, and it doesn’t sound like much but it’s a nice change from your normal sponge cake, and with the cinnamon, mmmmm!  Have it with some ice cream, you won’t regret it…

Streusel1

As you might have gathered from other posts written by me, I’m not one for precision tasks, so when I cook I get bored and I don’t exactly note down everything in detail.  I’d seen some recipes for this cake on television (Anna Olson and Barefoot Contessa, if you’ve been unemployed in the last few months then you’ll no doubt have come across their shows during the daytime on Food Network).  After browsing some of the recipes out there – check out this one at The Baker Chick’s website – but really all I did was just note down how to make the topping and then kind of wing it from there.  You can jiggle these measurements about to suit yourself, but I used an 8 inch pan for this. If you’re going to use a bigger pan, I think the general rule is that for every extra 2 inches of the pan, just add 2 oz to the flour, sugar and butter measurements and one egg. I THINK.

One more little thing – if you’ve got one of those cake pans where you can push the bottom up so you can remove the cake without tipping it upside down, it would be wise to use that.  If not, just line the cake tins with grease-proof paper and give yourself some extra over the edge for leverage.

Streusel ingredients:

  • 2 oz plain flour
  • 1 oz unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
  • 2 oz granulated sugar
  • 1 1/2 tsps ground cinnamon

Cake ingredients:

  • 4 oz unsalted butter
  • 4 oz granulated white sugar
  • 4 oz self raising flour
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 teaspoon almond extract

Filling

  • 1 large cooking apple (or 2 small regular apples, peeled)
  • 6 teaspoons sugar
  • 1 teaspoon cinnamon

First up, the cake:

1. Preheat the oven to gas mark 5, and grease two 8 or 9 inch round cake pans – mine are about 8.5inches, which is why I don’t think it matters hugely whether you use an 8 or 9.

2. Cream together the sugar and butter, and then add in the flour and eggs – remember my tip from before about alternating between eggs and flour to stop the batter from curdling.  But whatever, I’m not the boss of you, do whatever the hell you want.  It’s your cake, man.

3. Set this mixture aside for now.

Now let’s hit up that streusel topping (note – this might be different from how other recipes do it, but remember, this is me here, we’re slumming it) :

4. In a clean, dry bowl, combine the streusel ingredients of flour, sugar and butter.  I tend to do this by stirring it initially and then rubbing the mixture with my fingers to get the ‘crumble’ texture. Halfway through this process I add in the cinnamon, then continue the rubbing technique.  That sounds really dirty but shut up and get on with your baking, you perverts.

5. Now grab those two greased cake pans and let’s get busy.  Pour in roughly half the mixture into each pan – personally, I prefer to pour slightly more into one than the other, just so that the cake doesn’t end up as being top heavy when it’s fully constructed.

6. Cover the smaller cake with the streusel crumbs, and then put both cakes in the oven.  You’ll notice that the cake batter does not fill the cake tins very much, and they reach a low level.  That’s fine, because obviously they will rise a little as they cook.

So while those badboys are in the oven, it’s time to get involved with those apples…

7. Cut the apples into small pieces (I’ve seen in another applesauce recipe instructions to grate the apples, but I can’t be bothered with that…)

8. Stir together the cinnamon and sugar in a bowl.

9.  In a small saucepan, heat the chopped apples while adding the sugar and cinnamon mix one teaspoon at a time.  Cook this for about 10 minutes, until the apples are nice and soft.

10. You can skip this step, but I like to mash the apples up – I wanted a smoother texture, and when the apples are soft enough from being cooked, they mash up easily.  But you can always just use these apples in your cake the way they are up to this point.

11.  Set this apple mix aside to cool a little, and check on your cakes.  The toothpick test is the best way to do it, and I can’t guarantee you a cooking time, but last time I made them (which was this Friday just gone, in order to take pictures for this post because I’M A DEDICATED PROFESSIONAL)

12.  Once the cakes are cooked, take them out to cool.  The streusel covered one might be a bit tricky to remove if you haven’t got one of those pans with the fiddly bottom,but if you did the greaseproof paper thing, you should be fine. You’ll notice that my bottom cake fell apart for some bloody reason – well the reason is that I didn’t have any greaseproof paper and so relied purely on the greased tin.  It was rubbish.  But all is not lost…

13.  The cakes should be cool now, and if you want to level out the top of the bottom layer cake, now’s the time to do it.  Once that’s done, cover it in the applesauce and finish constructing the cake by putting the streusel-covered cake on top.

VOILA!

Streusel2

I am 99% sure that when Marie Antoinette said “Let them eat cake”, she was talking about this delicious little treat.  Enjoy your weekend, and may it be filled with streusel cake.  Go forth and bake…

He Could Get It… Gary Carr

I’m going to level with you, guys.  I don’t watch Downton Abbey.  I just don’t buy into the whole costume drama, with the old fashioned language and the m-who the fuck is that?

downton-abbey-casts-gary-carr-as-first-black-character

Oh, him? That’s Gary Carr, BITCH. Gary’s joined the cast for the next series of Downton Abbey and while it would take me simply a few seconds to Google who his character will be, I refuse to draw my eyes away from this beautiful creature. Look it up your damn selves, I don’t have time for your nonsense.  Look at this man.  LOOK AT HIM.  That’s not the flash from the camera or any tricky editing that makes the brickwork around him fade out, no, that’s the shining light of Gary’s handsomeness, it’s blinding.  You wish your man could rock a black vest like that.  Yeah, well keep wishing.

I think Downton Abbey just got interesting… and sexier.  Julian Fellowes has said that in order for the show to be historically accurate with their representation of different ethnicities and cultures, they should really include an Indian.  I know the perfect half Anglo Indian fat girl for the job.  Call your sister and we’ll sort something out.

DTSFT Men’s Column #11 – One Night Stand

 Unfortunately in life, you can’t change people, and what’s even more unfortunate is that people, in general, are terrible.  But if some day you smack your head really hard and suddenly decide that the best course of action would be to spend a prolonged amount of time with another human being, then that’s your own business, not mine.  Which brings me to this week’s question, which comes from Billy in Chester:

“I pulled this bird last night when I was out at a bar, using your techniques on how to approach women, cheers for that. Anyway, got her back to mine, put the moves on her and next thing you know, it’s morning.  Had a blinding night with her, but I don’t know what to do next – is she gonna get all clingy or is she gonna be able to accept that it’s just a one night stand?”

one_night_stand

Oh, Billy.  There are so many things that I need to say.

Never assume that a woman is going to get clingy – all you’re doing is assuming that you are something so special that they NEED to have you in their life.  You’re wrong – if they went home with you, it’s just because they wanted you at that moment, and if this woman happens to have ever eaten a bar of chocolate in her life, then she’ll know all about the regret of a brief and meaningless encounter, which I’m 99% positive is the reaction she had to her dalliance with you.  Sure, there are going to be women who want more than a one night stand, and likewise there’ll be men who want more than that, but if you’re the one with these worries at the start, I reckon you’ve either got an unsubstantiated ego or hang-ups of your own.

And the more important part of my answer is this: No-one gives a fuck about your life.  Ever.  I need you to remember this.  If you’ve had a chance encounter like this – and I’m addressing all you readers now, too – I cannot stress how little of a damn people give.  No-one ever has cared (nor will they ever care) about the superficial things in your life.  Put it this way – if this one night stand doesn’t matter to you, why in the hell do you think it will matter to anyone else?  It just won’t. My advice would be to continue living your life as you have been up to this point but with one change – shut the hell up about your life and go about your existence as if you are surrounded by a sound-proof bubble.  No-one cares.

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