As I turn 24 quite soon, I realise that I haven’t achieved half the things I wanted to before this day came around – like “earning my age in my wage” as my brother helpfully pointed out once.
Everyone should have a list like this relevant to their age, so then you can achieve nothing on it and have something to talk about the next time you find yourself in a social situation. Like in the staff kitchen at work. How awful.
Here are some suggestions.
Learn how to swear in a different language
Knowing how to say “I’ll have a beer, please” in Spanish is so 2005. Get the dirty words out. The more obscure the language the better. Extensive research has revealed to me the following (may not be accurate):
Kacken zee ahf deh levanah – Yiddish for “go take a shit on the moon”
Ode Oshi – Yoruba for “Stupid fuck”. (As my entire family speak Yoruba I might crack this one out at the next family BBQ and accept any beatings that come after.)
Tell Marlon Wayans he sucks
Whether that be in person, via Twitter or through interpretive dance, let him know he’s the worst person. Do mention, in his defence, the first fifteen minutes of Little Man were funny – but even then it was because of Tracy Morgan and not him.
Be able to execute this perfectly
Both the dunk and the backflips. If you really look at it it’s not that hard. You’ve probably done it drunk once.
Go straight up to that one person you fancy the pants off of and continue to not tell them you fancy the pants off of them
Let’s not get excited. 24 isn’t that old and you could have a lot of years ahead of you to live with the embarrassment of letting that person know. Bottling things up FTW.
Eat seven brioche rolls in one sitting
This I did do! Didn’t even feel bad about it afterwards.
Go to an event you usually wouldn’t be seen dead at
Is your friend the type to hold parties where everyone gets together and exchanges sprigs of lavender as part of some pagan ritual while REM plays in the background? Don’t be a dick and turn up. You might enjoy it.
Start up a covers band
You know that one song you love? You and a few friends/ambitious strangers can do it so much better. Who knows, you could come up with such gems as this.
Be thankful for shit
I know, a serious one to finish. But despite not being where you’d like to be, things could actually be far far worse. You have a lot to be grateful for so focus on the good things. Your family for example, or your friends, your academic achievements, the fact you live within walking distance of a Costo – could be anything. Be positive.