The Apprentice Final – DTSFT Roundup

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It’s finally over!  Yes, while I enjoyed tweeting about The Apprentice and also judging these bright young people from the comfort of the sofa, I have also grown tired of this show, to be honest.  But nevertheless, I’m here to complete the final roundup for this series.  I don’t think that anyone would have predicted Leah’s place in the final based on her performances in earlier episodes, but Luisa was almost guaranteed a place – think of how she’s been portrayed (so to speak, through editing) in this series, almost like a villain but then with the chance to turn things round for herself just before the final… I dunno, seemed a bit obvious.  But two very different business opportunities for Lord Sugar to choose from made this quite an interesting final task, as the two finalists had to make their business idea a reality by launching it with a video, a website and a presentation in front of industry experts.  There are no spoilers in this roundup, and it’s likely that people missed the episode because it was on an hour earlier, with ‘You’re Fired’ tagged seamlessly onto the end of it so that anyone tuning in to watch the final would instead have the outcome ruined for them immediately.  Well played, BBC.

Here’s the roundup:

This onesie:

No Luisa, just no

No Luisa, just no

You would think that for the final Lord Sugar could pick up the phone and ring them himself, but noooOOOOooo

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It was obviously really important for us to know the girls’ beauty regimes…

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When they decided to make this part of the show seem like a music video:

Leah still having problems with her blinking - surely there’s a procedure that can fix that?

Leah still having problems with her blinking – surely there’s a procedure that can fix that?

Nick looking particularly grumpy

Nick looking particularly grumpy

 

We knew exactly who Luisa meant when she said “He’s just useless.  As long as he does what he’s told…”

I watched the show from about ten minutes in, so I missed all the phone calls the first time round – how awkward was it to hear Luisa call round and keep getting rejected because Leah had got there first?

The shameful fact that Jordan wasn’t called back to assist in the final task, despite being one of the final five candidates and also boning Luisa.

And speaking of cringeworthy – imagine poor little Jason’s face when he saw this:

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But how cute was it that he responded to her phone call like this:

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Twitter went a bit mental when Luisa said her brand wouldn’t involve selling flour – and sure, you can make a cake without flour, but you know what that would make you? A HIPPY. And you know what being a hippy makes you? A COMMUNIST.

When Nick was attacked by a facehugger from Alien

When Nick was attacked by a facehugger from Alien

Karren’s wonderful facial expressions, particular at this moment:

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£3.50 for a fucking fairy cake is the reason why terrorists target the West

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Jason making sure he’s justifying his involvement by mentioning “NUMBERS” over and over…

And if somehow they could have seen my tweets from last night at the time this episode as recorded, they could have used my idea that would indeed incorporate NIKS with ‘clinical’, by naming the place ‘Cliniks’.  YOU’RE WELCOME.

Throughout his time in the series, all Zee wanted to do was let people know he matches his shirt with his socks. You did it, bro…*wipes away tears* you did it.

Throughout his time in the series, all Zee wanted to do was let people know he matches his shirt with his socks. You did it, bro…*wipes away tears* you did it.

Is it me or did it seem like Uzma and Natalie just spent their time on the show doing absolutely fuck all?

You can tell just how much Luisa cared about her potential clients’ and customers’ opinions by the way she just totally ignored their feedback and went for a pink theme for her brand logo.

I do feel for these guys throughout these design tasks though – they have to spend ages in these rooms staring at a computer with neon lights everywhere – that would grate on me.

When Luisa put this woman in her place…. ouch:

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Jason, dangerously close to growing a pair

Jason, dangerously close to growing a pair

 Luisa’s “warm” personality showing here…

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This little boy’s face when Luisa said “I’ll be pretending to be your mummy”

This little boy’s face when Luisa said “I’ll be pretending to be your mummy”

That’s a really ugly looking cake and everyone involved in making it should be ashamed of themselves. It’s probably delicious but that’s beside the point.

That’s a really ugly looking cake and everyone involved in making it should be ashamed of themselves. It’s probably delicious but that’s beside the point.

 

Myles and Francesca’s simple solution to the ‘nicks’ problem, suggesting that Leah goes with ‘N-I-K-S’ instead, was perfect, to be honest.

Fucking calm down, Zee, Jesus Christ, it wasn’t that good.

Fucking calm down, Zee, Jesus Christ, it wasn’t that good.

It looks like Barbie vomited over the table, Luisa

It looks like Barbie vomited over the table, Luisa

I either wanted Neil to drag the balloons through a ceiling fan by accident OR somehow start floating up and embark on a Pixar-esque adventure.

I either wanted Neil to drag the balloons through a ceiling fan by accident OR somehow start floating up and embark on some kind of Pixar-esque adventure.

Why the hell are you mixing your icing in a bowl on the floor?

Why the hell are you mixing your icing in a bowl on the floor?

But gratuitous cake shots make up for that, I suppose.

But gratuitous cake shots make up for that, I suppose.

As I’ve probably mentioned many, MANY times, there’s always been something about Luisa that gets my back up, although I’ve warmed to her a little in the last few weeks.  Which is why I cringed hard as hell when she kept messing up her words, like this blunder:

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And then this:

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And I definitely felt bad for her when she came off stage crying – although I imagine that has more to do with the pressure having built on her throughout the series, with this being her last chance to prove herself.  I think she didn’t do such a bad job, really.

Francesca making sure that she got her chance to shine by doing one of those utterly ridiculous ribbon dances – that was my favourite part of our gym and dance P.E. lessons at school, because you could just wave that ribbon around and jump about, it all worked.

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This woman getting really excited about the results of her procedure in the advert

This woman getting really excited about the results of her procedure in the advert

When this woman thought she was going to burn Leah…

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But Leah don’t get burned, bitch!

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But that won’t stop Nick from burning you WITH HIS FACE

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And really, I don’t think there’s a better way to end the final roundup than with a picture of Nick looking disdainful. Wonderful.

Well, I guess it will be a whole year until the next time we meet again, Apprentice fans.  If any of you are thinking of applying for the next series, let us know so that we can talk you out of it – I mean, do you really need the hassle?  Think about it.  Just promise me you’ll think about it.

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