The Apprentice, Episode 10 – DTSFT Roundup

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Black armbands at the ready, guys.  One of the most beautiful soldiers in The Apprentice war has fallen.  In case you haven’t watched the episode, I won’t spoil it, but I will say that the man who has brought so many hits to our website by pervy ladies searching for pictures of his delightful abs, will no longer be gracing our screens with his fine 40-year old ass.

It was a classic Apprentice task this week – source items, sell them, the team left with the most money at the end (with deductions for left over stock) wins.  The teams were taken to Spitalfields Market as well as given a shop in Shoreditch for the second day of the task.  From the word go, it was clear which team was going to win – while the girls were out choosing items for their stall, the lads were still trying to decide on what type of product they were going to go for, settling on homeware items like candles and ceramics. Oy vey….  This back-to-basics task was a great idea for this week, because we’re heading into the final stretch here and next week’s episode is the one where everyone has to have an interview with Alan Sugar’s rottweiler pals.  I can’t tell you how excited I am to see Jordan squirm and whinge like the petulant child he is when he’s called out on his bullshit.

Look, more of that later – here’s the roundup:

Everyone getting in a tizzy about the sitting room:

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To paraphrase Ali G, Jordan really got it so wrong in his sarong

To paraphrase Ali G, Jordan really got it so wrong in his sarong

Urgh honestly, Luisa, how could deal with this mess?

Urgh honestly, Luisa, how could deal with this mess?

Whereas fresh-faced Leah looked gorgeous - ditch the Barbie Doll make-up, girl!

Whereas fresh-faced Leah looked gorgeous – ditch the Barbie Doll make-up, girl!

My twitter feed exploded for a few minutes when he said this, mostly by women moaning that it was sexist - fucking get over it. They won, didn't they? So shut up.

My twitter feed exploded for a few minutes when he said this, mostly by women moaning that it was sexist – fucking get over it. They won, didn’t they? So shut up.

The difference between the boys and girls while they’re getting ready for the day – Luisa spends her time slagging off the boys team, the boys wonder whether they should wear suits or jeans…

I felt that Jordan, as early as the project manager selection process, kept shooting the task down and seemed like a childish little brat, determined to put a spanner in the works and then bitch about the machine shutting dow. Can’t stand him. 

Whereas the girls seemed to gel from the start, and made a  real effort to pull together and get on track as soon as possible.

It’s like Nick said…

Screen Shot 2013-07-04 at 11.52.29

It was clear from the start that Myles had lost the plot...

It was clear from the start that Myles had lost the plot…

Unlike this gangster. What a legend.

Unlike this gangster. What a legend.

Karren's face when Myles kind of shut her down when she tried to rush them - SHE WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP, MYLES

Karren’s face when Myles kind of shut her down when she tried to rush them – SHE WAS ONLY TRYING TO HELP, MYLES

Translation: Hats for wankers

Translation: Hats for wankers

I, like the rest of the world, couldn’t understand the appeal of the items Myles and Neil chose.

I, like the rest of the world, couldn’t understand the appeal of the items Myles and Neil chose.

This playa getting involved in the hat scene

This playa getting involved in the hat scene

Little did Myles realising how prophetic this note would be

Little did Myles realising how prophetic this note would be

Francesca talking about the choices as “we” even though she wasn’t really involved in any decisions

It was nice to get see the different small-business and market-stall owners, who make their living this way every day.

No wonder Myles’s team was so drawn to the ceramics, cos they’re a bunch of mugs themselves.

This girl who looked worried about the prospect of her hat

This girl who looked worried about the prospect of her hat

This was clearly the best hat to be featured on the show, obviously Francesca has NO TASTE

This was clearly the best hat to be featured on the show, obviously Francesca has NO TASTE

My thoughts exactly

My thoughts exactly

When no-one thought to tell this poor girl that the label was still on her hat

When no-one thought to tell this poor girl that the label was still on her hat

More gorgeous London…

More gorgeous London…

Jordan, unable to hide his frustration on his stupid face

Jordan, unable to hide his frustration on his stupid face

The boys’ team calling their shop ‘Casa Unique’ and the girls calling their’s ‘East Side Fashion’… give me strength

How Casa Unique looked before Myles and Neil had set up for the day….

How Casa Unique looked before Myles and Neil had set up for the day….

…and how it looked when it was ‘ready’

…and how it looked when it was ‘ready’

The shambles of Myles and Neil trying to set up their displays at the front of the shop was brilliant, blocking off the access and messing about with shelves, pure slapstick

The problem I had with the dresses that Luisa’s team is that those dresses cost about £8 on a market stall.

I promise you, these hats take no time to make and use about half a skein of yarn, I could make a mint out of these!

I promise you, these hats take no time to make and use about half a skein of yarn, I could make a mint out of these! 

The judgemental look on this man’s face as he witnesses this woman purchasing a stupid butter dish - can’t hide the disdain

The judgemental look on this man’s face as he witnesses this woman purchasing a stupid butter dish – can’t hide the disdain

When Myles looked like a lonely gigolo. Well he is quite... *sunglasses*.... A DISH

When Myles looked like a lonely gigolo. Well he is quite… *sunglasses*…. A DISH

Jordan not understanding the concept of a joke. Or candles.

Jordan not understanding the concept of a joke. Or candles.

Everyone tries to sell ‘vintage’ or ‘vintage-style’ in East London, so while the girls were on the right track, they were fighting against established shops.

And it’s all well and good that Luisa could lead the team well on this task, but it’s essentially just running a shop – is that all Lord Sugar wants from his business partner?

Jordan’s £70 purchase, the Zsa Zsa vase, aka ‘bottom of a bath mat’

Jordan’s £70 purchase, the Zsa Zsa vase, aka ‘bottom of a bath mat’

When Jordan said this, I shouted “WELL YOU BOUGHT IT, YOU SHOULD FUCKING SELL IT THEN” and my mum told me off. You got me in trouble, little man - so I’m gunning for you, you short-arsed BASTARD

When Jordan said this, I shouted “WELL YOU BOUGHT IT, YOU SHOULD FUCKING SELL IT THEN” and my mum told me off. You got me in trouble, little man – so I’m gunning for you, you short-arsed BASTARD

This woman who was troubled by the prospect of patterned leggings

This woman who was troubled by the sight of patterned leggings

Luisa asking the police officers if they want to buy some berets - love the guts, girl

Luisa asking the police officers if they want to buy some berets – love the guts, girl

I’m glad that they made Jordan go out and try to sell that vase, little shit

Casa Unique looked fuller at the end of the day than at the start – that’s not a good sign, is it lads?

Who's gonna buy a candle that’s already been lit? Yeah just waste your stock, mate, no worries

Who’s gonna buy a candle that’s already been lit? Yeah just waste your stock, mate, no worries

Lord Sugar missing a trick by not putting the vase on the reception desk

Lord Sugar missing a trick by not putting the vase on the reception desk

So much love for Nick, what a dude

So much love for Nick, what a dude

 

Karren shooting down Nick’s compliment to Luisa with this:

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One thing that came across from Myles was that he was very open about the mistakes he made, both in the boardroom and on You’re Fired – perhaps it’s due to his age; at 39 he’s not old at all, but he’s clearly got more humility than the younger and more aggressive team members, like Jordan god I fucking HATE HIM

Just look at this dickhead, honestly

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I want to punch Jordan

I know this is rapidly descending into a stream of consciousness rant of a mad woman, but I cannot stand that short little shit

Ahem. Back to business.

I must say, the girls looked fabulous on their prize-outing, killing it in the style-stakes ladies!

I must say, the girls looked fabulous on their prize-outing, killing it in the style-stakes ladies!

If there’s one thing that this episode will be remembered for, it’s Jordan almost vomiting when he thought he was going to be fired. In order to explain how brilliant this moment was, I can only say that it was as amazing as when Adele got cut off at The BRIT awards.  Pure brilliance.

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Urgh, his stupid face, bet he wishes he had a sippy cup, too.  I want him to puke. I want him to PUKE IN FRONT OF THE INTERVIEWERS NEXT WEEK AND THEN JUST GO AWAY FOREVER.

God, can you imagine how irritating his and Luisa’s children would be? Yikes.

Yes, next week is the interview round, always a stand-out episode in every series of The Apprentice.  I’m looking forward to Margaret and Nick being reunited in the boardroom, and watching the candidates sweat as their CVs are picked apart.  Cannot wait!  Let us know what you think of the remaining 5 candidates, and who you reckon could be victorious….

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