DTSFT Men’s Column #5 – Beachwear

The sun is out, which for means it’s time to get your summer wardrobe in gear, guys.  This week’s question comes from a chap who has to struggle with this problem every year – but it’s our job here at DTSFT to help.  Graham in Tewkesbury asks:

“I’m going on a beach holiday with my friends to Majorca for a lads’ holiday, but I’m considerably larger than the rest of my pals.  I was once likened to – and I quote – “a Latex swimming sock pumped fit-to-burst with custard”. What should I do? What should I wear?”


Graham, Graham, Graham… this is a common situation, and I’m glad you contacted me for help.  I could tell you to cover up with a funny, beach-themed T-shirt – but I won’t do that.  I could tell you to spend as much time in the water as possible so that people don’t look at you – but I won’t do that.  I could even tell you to warn the coastguard that you’ll be coming, but I won’t do that.  And you know why? Because it doesn’t damn well matter what you wear on the beach, Gray-Gray. You’re there to enjoy yourself, not impress other people, so don’t worry about what people might say about you (although I have to admit that the Latex sock comment made me laugh, which is quite sad because this is all entirely made up so I’m basically laughing at my own joke).  Don’t spend your life worrying about what other people are thinking, you’ve got every right to be there.  And how do you know that the ladies don’t want a little extra something to cuddle up to?  We’re not as shallow as you think – consider the precedent set in cartoons – Peter Griffin is a fat loser, and he’s got a hot redhead wife who loves him, flaws and all.  Fred Flintstone is a fat angry dude, and he’s got a hot redhead wife who l- you know what? The beach is the right place for you, because you need to find a redhead who’ll love you for who you are…


Dude, lock that down ASAP – you don’t want her losing her soul to a sea witch, do you?

When you get to that beach, you just whip your top off and soak up the sun – but leave some for everyone else, haha just kidding, you’re alright.

EDIT: I have since noticed the attachment you sent with your email, i.e. the picture you sent for reference.  Call me, boo.


One thought on “DTSFT Men’s Column #5 – Beachwear

  1. Pingback: DTSFT Men’s Column #13 – Spiders | Damn, That's Some Fine Tailoring

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