The Apprentice, Episode 6 – DTSFT Roundup

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Week 6 , and the task is to organise one of those corporate retreat things that businesses love so much.  Fun fact – I once helped arrange one of these at one of my old jobs at the hospital, picking a date that I knew would fall after I had returned to university.  It was a British Military Fitness bootcamp – SUCK ON THAT, PEEPS!

Ahem.  Anyhooooo, after the disappointment of last week’s Dubai shenanigans, I was really hoping this episode would deliver something good, either by way of some tension or some laughs.  We got both, hurray!  Early on in the proceedings, it was clear that very few of the candidates had kept the main objective in mind, that being the team-building aspect of the whole thing; they seemed more interested in arranging a day full of activities that would be cheap and cheerful, onto which they could tack the criteria afterwards.  I know it’s easy to sit back and watch the show, pointing fingers and saying “I could do that better” but honestly, I’m sure that even Seth MacFarlane could come up with something better than what the candidates did – and that’s saying something. The fact that both teams were informed in the boardroom that they had been asked for refunds should give you an idea of how boring and shambolic their offerings were.  And then there was Karren…

Ah, Karren Brady. The way you slyly and swiftly shut down Luisa’s “I’m too cool to be corporate” bullshit with one sentence and an arched eyebrow – you are a goddess.  More on that further down.  And just a word of warning: it would help if you open the pictures in a new tab for the ones with the subtitles on, because sometimes they might look a bit small.

For now, let’s get on with the roundup…

Jordan’s dirty body, what a minger

Jordan’s dirty body, what a minger

Luisa, talking about Rebecca but she could be talking about any of the girls, let’s face it

Luisa, talking about Rebecca but she could be talking about any of the girls, let’s face it

Alex looking terrified of the sculptures in Guildhall

Alex looking terrified of the sculptures in Guildhall

The cringeworthy moment when Leah’s team brought out the sumo suits… there was no need for it, and no-one understood it

Francesca’s awful motivational-type speech – I say ‘motivational-type’ because it was all bullshit and everyone looked bored

Jordan looking more and more like a trendy lesbian every week

Leah's weekly gurning session

Leah’s weekly gurning session

I don’t know why it was so weird, but all the boys put their ties over their seat belts and it was so strange.

I don’t know why it was so weird, but all the boys put their ties over their seat belts and it was so strange.

A fleeting moment of Myles - HIS ABS GO RIGHT UP TO HIS NIPS, YOU GUYS

A fleeting moment of Myles – HIS ABS GO RIGHT UP TO HIS NIPS, YOU GUYS

Leah’s team being late for the meeting because they were still bickering over ideas – and not apologising for their tardiness

How Kurt just stood there innocently and had me crushing on him like mad – the man’s fine, what can I say?

But he needs some speed or something, cos this tired thing is going to be a problem for me, man

Leah’s rambling description of their idea:

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Neil’s surprisingly impressive motivational speech

Neil and Myles actually getting involved with the task

The weirdness of the cake decorating task

When I realised that Nick Hewer is basically my dad

When I realised that Nick Hewer is basically my dad

Alex’s turn as a Colonel/Sergeant Major/Drill Sergeant/Military Weirdo

Alex’s turn as a Colonel/Sergeant Major/Drill Sergeant/Military Weirdo

Luisa almost hitting the deck when she and Jason were trying out the weird team-building activities which required them to walk on sort of skis together and jump at the same time - and Jason getting a right eyeful.

Luisa almost hitting the deck when she and Jason were trying out the weird team-building activities which required them to walk on sort of skis together and jump at the same time – and Jason getting a right eyeful.

KURT WATCH:

Asleep standing up

Asleep standing up

About to burst out of his suit

About to burst out of his suit

Looking like he needs a good sleep

Looking like he needs a good sleep

Fuck it, it's nap time

Fuck it, it’s nap time

Jason and Rebecca’s terrible wine-tasting activity

Alex getting riled up – for some reason this wasn’t funny today, it was irritating

Kurt having to spend the task in the kitchen with Skeletor, fighting the urge to tear into the raw meat for some much needed sustenance

The bored facial expressions – there were many:

Peeved Punters

Jordan being so glaringly pussy-whipped

Alex getting his eyebrows waxed at the end, Neil’s joke about them ripping one off

Neil straightening his half inch of hair

Jason flopping around like a muppet, posh and useless

Jason flopping around like a muppet, posh and useless

Luisa telling the chocolate workshop lady that they were going to do an activity by themselves, and then asking if she could buy some piping bags from her - the woman’s reaction was brilliant

Luisa telling the chocolate workshop lady that they were going to do an activity by themselves, and then asking if she could buy some piping bags from her – the woman’s reaction was brilliant

Luisa’s admission of ‘I hate the corporate world’, and her little rant about corporate jargon nonsense which prompted this utter burn from Karren Brady:

Karren

Karren, you own the world.  You are a goddess.

I didn’t catch what next week’s episode is going to be about, but I think it’s a selling task.  Which means we can expect the same people who talk about their innovative and creative minds to talk about how they’re born salesmen/women. In Jordan’s case, the jury’s still out on that last little detail…

Let us know your thoughts and comments about this week’s episode, and tune in next week for more bullshit from smartly-dressed tossers.

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