The Apprentice, Episode 5 – DTSFT Roundup

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This week’s The Apprentice lost 900,000 viewers according Digital Spy.  That’s because it was on Tuesday night rather than Wednesday (which is today as I type this), so presumably many people will have missed it accidentally.  The episode saw the remaining contestants heading to Dubai for the scavenger hunt task; these tasks normally bore me, and this episode was no exception.  Even the twist of having the group do the task abroad didn’t make things more interesting.   But the gang packed their bags for beautiful Dubai, where it became clear that hardly any of the remaining people (aside from perhaps Zeeshaan) had any idea of how to speak to someone of a different nationality without being totally and utterly patronising. I’ve always been annoyed by this kind of behaviour, having seen it in most of my jobs; the slightest hint of an accent from a customer and the shop assistant immediately starts to act as if this is the biggest hassle in the world, and that the person they are speaking to is some kind of cretinous idiot.  In this instance, the teams were the customers speaking down to the staff/locals, oh except, excuse me, in this case they were ‘sourcing items’ rather than shopping.  Grrrrr.  This episode also highlighted something else – Zeeshaan’s attitude to the girls on his team.  As you’ll see in the task, he isn’t open to suggestions from Natalie or Leah, and they find themselves struggling to be heard in the meetings and phonecalls.  That kind of behaviour isn’t likely to go unnoticed, and tempers flare in the boardroom – seriously, Twitter blew up when Natalie did.  And with Lord Sugar’s recent(ish) problems with a former Apprentice winner accusing him of all sorts of negligent and horrible behaviour in the workplace, I think he knew that as soon as this kind of problem arose, it needed to be nipped in the bud as soon as possible.

So here it comes, the DTSFT roundup of arguably one of this series’ less interesting episodes…

“Pack your camels, we’re going to Dubai” Jason sounding like Daddy Warbucks

More gratuitous abs from Myles

More gratuitous abs from Myles

Alex wearing a Gatsby swimming suit...okay, it COULD be a vest and shorts, I suppose

Alex wearing a Gatsby swimming suit…okay, it COULD be a vest and shorts, I suppose

This stupid face by Luisa

This stupid face by Luisa

The repeated mentions of Zeeshaan having lived in Dubai, which we all know counts as foreshadowing, right?

The way the narrator said “DOO-BYE”

This lonely pink woman, obviously wondering to herself,

This lonely pink woman, obviously wondering to herself, “WHAT DOTH LIFE?”

The weird moment when Lord Sugar appeared on a TV screen like the Wizard of Oz, held up by what looks like a shoddily constructed Argos flat-pack pedestal

The weird moment when Lord Sugar appeared on a TV screen like the Wizard of Oz, held up by what looks like a shoddily constructed Argos flat-pack pedestal

Zee checking his watch while Leah put herself forward for Project Manager.  RUDE!

Myles bragging about his glamorous lifestyle and living in Monaco – I can live with that, Myles baby!

Zee educating his team on what the more confusing items on the list were – and getting them wrong…

Luisa’s joyful “Let’s go shoppiiiing!” as if it were a girly trip.

I’m sure that most of the time, Kurt is sleeping with eyes open.

I’m sure that most of the time, Kurt is sleeping with eyes open.

The moment that I realised Jordan was actually wearing bright green trousers out in public

When Leah defied Zee’s instructions, and told their driver to take them to the mall instead… TENSION

How I cringed every time Jason opened his mouth – seriously, it was embarrassing.

Likewise, Luisa’s drawling “Thhhhaaaaank yeeeewwwww” JUST GROW UP, WOMAN!

The inches to centimetres disaster – it’s a simple mistake to make, I suppose, but one that messed things up for their team big time!

Karren Brady’s facial expressions throughout were priceless in this episode

Karren Brady’s facial expressions throughout were priceless in this episode

Doesn’t anyone around these people get irritated by them using their phones on loud speaker all the bloody time?

Leah’s pronunciation of “ounce” confusing the locals – ayyyuuuunssssss

Alex being offered a good price on ‘fresh viagra’ and replying “I don’t need any of that – I’m from Wales!”

Jason’s speaking to the man about the falcon, in the most dumbed down English, complete with actions – oh god, how I cringed!

Nick’s facial expression after the other team walk past out of the same flag shop…

Nick’s facial expression after the other team walk past out of the same flag shop…

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…and his facial expression at the boys when their mistake became clear…

The 6 foot flag...

…the mistake being this, the ‘6 foot’ flag.

Zeeshaan’s “Let’s head out boys” to Kurt and, er, Natalie

Neil :“I’m in a very very rush”

When Myles said “What if it’s miles away from being finished?” I wondered if he felt weird using his own name in a sentence without it referring to himself.

Nick looking like a PIMP in his hat

Nick looking like a PIMP in his hat

Kurt is either very sick or very evil

Kurt is either very sick or very evil

More gratuitous Myles shots - he’s a banger, what can I say?

More gratuitous Myles shots – he’s a banger, what can I say?

Jason, Luisa and Jordan thinking that this word is the same as ‘Oud’

Jason, Luisa and Jordan thinking that this word is the same as ‘Oud’.  They got a ‘looking’ task wrong.

Jason saying “You’re a generous people” then bowing hahaha

The way the lovely David Walliams lookalike in the shop demonstrated what an oud actually is

The way the lovely David Walliams lookalike in the shop demonstrated what an oud actually is

Leah’s miserable face, pouting every few seconds

Leah’s miserable face, pouting every few seconds

When this man could have just written “WRONG” instead

When this man could have just written “WRONG” instead

Alex and Zee looking annoyed because they turned up to the boardroom party wearing the same thing

Alex and Zee looking annoyed because they turned up to the boardroom party wearing the same thing

Zee’s team not missing a beat when asked if he was a good boss or not – “Terrible!”

Nick: “In fact Alex, you raised one of those… eyebrows of yours…” brilliant

Lord Sugar messing up his joke.  He meant to say “Thank god I didn’t send you out for 20 camels, you’d have come back with a packet of fags”, but instead he said “camems” You ruined your own joke, Al.

Nick (about the little flag): “It would look like a pimple on an elephant, Alan – this hotel is three times the size of the Kremlin!”

Seriously…

Seriously…

…what is wrong…

…what is wrong…

…with Kurt’s eyes?

…with Kurt’s eyes?

I’m not even planning those screen shots. I press pause and that’s what he looks like.

Lord Sugar: “Anyway, Myles… Kurt would call you kilometres, most probably” See, you CAN do a joke right!

Kurt not getting the joke straight away

Kurt not getting the joke straight away

A masterpiece, “The Painted Misery Guts”

A masterpiece, “The Painted Misery Guts”

This cocktail wanker wearing a neckerchief - there’s no excuse, mate

This cocktail wanker wearing a neckerchief – there’s no excuse, mate

Good business sense dictates that when you know you’re going home, get as much as you can from the establishment - that includes free sugar. It's a good thing Leah's a doctor...

Good business sense dictates that when you know you’re going home, get as much as you can from the establishment – that includes free sugar. It’s a good thing Leah’s a doctor…

When Leah and Alex sat perfectly still for a few seconds and looked like a pair of creepy dolls in a house of horror

When Leah and Alex sat perfectly still for a few seconds and looked like a pair of creepy dolls in a house of horrors

The lesser-spotted receptionist appears on screen!

Her computer isn’t even on, lazy bitch

Her computer isn’t even on, lazy bitch

Neil’s manky neck beard - spellcheck keeps trying to change ‘manky’ into ‘manly’, which is wrong. Maybe there is a time and a place for a neckerchief… that time is now, Neil.

Neil’s manky neck beard – spellcheck keeps trying to change ‘manky’ into ‘manly’, which is wrong. Maybe there is a time and a place for a neckerchief… that time is now, Neil.

Cheering at the screen when Natalie let loose about how Zeeshaan treated the girls on his team – I think that it was a little bit shoe-horned in, but it wasn’t completely untrue.  You’ll see it if you watch it back.

Like I said, this was one of the less interesting episodes of the series so far, so here’s hoping that next week will be better – the teams will have to organise a corporate away-day, you know those stupid team-building things? Yeah, that kind of thing.  Looks like it could be a good one!  Let us know your thoughts on this episode…

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