The Apprentice, Episode 2 – DTSFT Roundup


In previous editions of the show, it’s taken a couple of episodes for all the candidates to make their mark and for the viewers to get to know everyone’s various quirks and bad habits. But it seems like this bunch have all worked out that there are two types of people who get fired on The Apprentice – those who make too much of an impression and those who don’t make one at all. Realistically, you could shine up any mistake in a task full of various blunders and present it as the main reason for the team’s failure – and that’s what they do each week now, although it’s not like the mistakes are small.

This week, the rag-tag bunch of eager little up-starts were tasked with creating a flavoured beer – because those are SO popular these days, and the market needs more, more, MORE! As usual in these tasks where the groups are supposed to create a product, there’s always someone who seems to think that the most important thing to get right is the name, which meant less time was spent on market research and actual thinking, resulting in one team with a rhubarb and caramel flavoured beer, and the other with a chocolate orange flavoured beer. I know, guys, I know.


The girls time wasted a barrel-load of time and indeed beer by royally screwing up their proportions, having to ditch 90 litres of shitty, undrinkable rhubarb and caramel flavoured beer. Yes, I know what you’re thinking, and I agree: they should have ditched the rest of it, too.

One of my favourite moments of the whole of The Apprentice happened in tonight’s episode, and surprisingly it’s not a moment where somebody is humiliated or does something idiotic.
Tonight, Rebecca was chosen to go back into the boardroom to face Lord Sugar. Now, in the short time we’ve had to get to know her, Rebecca has come across as a bit of hard-nosed, abrasive and pushy person – constantly telling others that she “hasn’t finished talking” and generally asserting her position as the leader simply because she seems to like the sound of her own voice. But when she was sitting out in the waiting room while Lord Sugar and the gang mulled things over, you could clearly see she was fighting back tears, and when she returned to the boardroom it was obvious that she must have taken a break and removed most of her eye makeup.

I guess some people might think it’s not very professional, and that the whole thing shows that she’s not cut out for this competition but I say that’s bullshit – imagine spending a week working really hard with a group of relative strangers, all of you vying for the same job, living in the same house, and picked for your larger-than-life, clashing (more often than not obnoxious) personalities. Then, at the end of that week you have to go back in to a boardroom with these people, and fight for your right to stay in that competition; not only do you have to work your arse off, you then have to explain what you did, how you did it, and why that’s better than what everyone else did – all without coming off as a total arsehole. So when Rebecca started tearing up, I think it made her seem much more human – and it wasn’t faked, you could just tell.

Anyway, that’s enough blah-blah from me. Here’s the rundown on our favourite bits from episode 2:

Alex’s stupid fucking face, which made it abundantly clear that the show has in no way been sexed-up for the viewers.

Alex’s stupid fucking face, which made it abundantly clear that the show has in no way been sexed-up for the viewers.

Luisa running around the house in her pyjamas

Screen Shot 2013-05-09 at 01.26.23

I’m sure that was titillating for some, but I just found her to be annoying. It was classic “oh my god, I’m just a girl! *I know I could wrap you round my finger, you bastards*”behaviour. Playing with her hair and wearing a FULL FACE OF MAKE UP, so blatant – kudos to Jason for making the most of the view.

It wasn’t my favourite part, it was actually something I found utterly disgusting but worth mentioning – Zeeshaan and Alex’s behaviour toward Jason (Posh Totty, or PT for short). Both of them clearly have a chip on their shoulder about something, and feel inferior to Jason because of his accent and education, even though that’s no reason to treat anyone differently. What they did was see an opportunity where they had a well-mannered man separate from the rest of the pack, and felt the need (as two preened, soft-touch metrosexuals) to assert their dominance.

Ugh, let’s do more funny stuff.

Rebecca constantly telling Uzma to be quiet – UZMA DEGGY JOB-MA, UZMA SMASH! ‘UZMA SMASH’ will no doubt feature regularly in our #theapprentice tweets

The boys team making the blunder of not taking a sample along to a potential customer – the men are not impressing me so far, seriously.

Tim, bless his heart, declaiming to what looked like Morris dancers that rhubarb and caramel beer is definitely brilliant – even calling out those who shouted “Urgh!” with “You haven’t even tried it yet!” Fair point, Timmy.

The boys pretending to be scientists

The boys pretending to be scientists.  Good boys, big boys you are, yes, science boys.

Jordan’s past career as the official spokesperson for nettles coming back to haunt him as he tries to force the idea of nettle beer on the team.

Jason’s remark to the camera about Zeeshaan and Alex: They are more the most intolerable, moronic people I’ve met in a long time – yeah, get ‘em, PT!

Your man getting caught in the middle of a cat-fight

Your man getting caught in the middle of a cat-fight…

...and slyly enjoying it

…and slyly enjoying it

The debacle in the brewery, where the girls’ team kept getting their recipe wrong and ended up having to throw away loads of beer.

Everything about this picture.

Everything about this picture.

My own frustration that Nick didn’t bother to make a joke about needing a beer to make the girls look better.

This perfect tweet from @jamiealexwilson:

Rebecca throwing in the word ‘dossier’ like a gangster

Michael McDonald's UK comeback

Michael McDonald’s UK comeback

Sophie’s remark that Luisa was outside “talking to boys”

Miles. Just Miles.

Miles. Just Miles.

A shout out to the camera crew for their beautiful shots of London which feature in every episode, and I think are often overlooked:


Neil and Jordan’s little brisk run with the stock, which I was really hoping would end in some kind of slapstick comedy, but it didn’t.  It was just… them running with boxes.

The last five or so minutes of the task seeming more like a tour of pubs and clubs in London rather than a task.

And lastly, this bizarre shot just before the boardroom scenes:

Screen Shot 2013-05-09 at 01.34.11

Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe they ARE trying to sex the show up.

Tune in next week for a product design task – which is always a guaranteed laugh, when everyone suddenly becomes an inventor – and don’t forget to join us on Twitter with the hashtag #theapprentice.  See you then!


One thought on “The Apprentice, Episode 2 – DTSFT Roundup

  1. Wetting myself at the screenshot of just before the boardroom scenes – WHAT. You know the editors put that in as a little private* joke in cos its hilarious and they wondered if anyone would notice, thinking they probably wouldn’t and they are all laughing about it. Well you did notice it. hahaha. *intended.

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