Let’s get one thing straight. On this blog you are going to see a lot of posts related to The Avengers, Marvel, Joss Whedon and many other things that we here at DTSFT are certified fangirls of, and while we look at things like style, fashion, and smoking’ hot fellas, I feel it’s necessary to dedicate a post to someone I can safely assume is a shared girl-crush for all of us.
Have you ever loved something so much that you want to destroy it?
That’s how I feel about Scarlett Johansson. Just fucking look at her. If you were to draw a beautiful woman, it wouldn’t be her (it would probably be Jameela Jamil, but that’s something we can address in another post some day), which is part of her appeal. She’s beautiful, there’s no denying that, but in a weird sort of way; the kind of beautiful where if you tried to explain specifically how or why she’s attractive, you wouldn’t really know what to say, you’d just sort of just point and mumble, stuttering random combinations of letters until your friend cuts you off by saying “Exactly, now can you shut the hell up and sit down, you’re ruining our wedding”. Some people, eh?
There are some people who just attract your attention when they’re on screen, people you’re drawn to even when they’re not speaking or doing anything of interest. Scarlett’s one of those people. I’ll be honest – there are times when I’ve watched her in a film and not exactly rated her performance – The Prestige being a perfect example of this.
Her accent is atrocious, her character is boring and annoying, and yet once or twice during the film I genuinely thought to myself, “I wonder what Scarlett’s up to? Causing mischief for the townsfolk, no doubt”. Sometimes it’s fun to speak like a stuffy, village gossip – you should try it sometime, really. But tell me, how many famous actresses these days could rock a corset and suspenders like that and not look like a skeleton on a La Senza trolley dash? Not many. The phrase ‘real women’ gets thrown around in the media, and it serves as a two-word trigger to make women all over the world hate one another and themselves for not conforming to the ideals created by other women (yes, women, because regardless of what some people would have you believe, most of the articles that point out flaws in female celebrities’ figures are written by women) who rarely conform to those ideals themselves. Real women, as many affirmative pro-female websites will rightly tell you, come in all shapes and sizes, but if we had to choose one women to represent us as an ideal, I WOULD NOMINATE SCARLETT. And yeah, I capitalised it because I’m hoping that if I type loud enough and big enough she might take notice and then we can become friends.
But why would I want to become friends with someone who has LIED throughout their entire life? Just kidding, Scarlett, I make that ‘liar’ joke about all my favourite actors and actresses. We cool, right? Good, we cool.
I’ve watched interviews with her, and one thing that seems to come across is how at ease she is with herself, and for someone who has grown up in the film industry that is a rare thing. No public meltdowns, a marriage that ended privately and without the mudslinging across various media platforms that celebrities so love to indulge in – she’s an intelligent, funny and down to earth woman who enjoys her job and is grateful for everything’s she got. She’s vocal about politics when it’s necessary, without being preachy; she’s dabbled in a music career – but as a musician and music-lover, I really don’t want to talk about that. I just… I just can’t.
In a recent article in the Daily Mail, I read that Scarlett has commented that her sexiness has been somewhat detrimental to her career. And before we go any further, I know you’re judging me for reading the Daily Mail website, and quite frankly I don’t give a shit – I’m not paying to read a newspaper online, and I love the crappy articles for their showbiz gossipy goodness and the way that I can promote my creative writing blog on there practically every day, especially by commenting on articles about Fifty Shades of Grey with instructions on how to search for my blog on Google and read my parodies.
I wouldn’t be complaining if people were always talking about how sexy I am, in the same way that I wouldn’t complain about having to keep going to the bank to keep paying in the royalty cheques from my bestseller books – because it never fucking happens. Part of me felt irritated that Johansson would get annoyed by something like that, but then I thought about it and it made me like her even more; it bugs her that being an attractive woman is holding her back from various roles because she wants to grow as an actress. It’s not enough for her to be a BAFTA and Tony award winner, she’s in this acting game for the long run, not just the fame and fortune.
Scarlett, you are awesome, and HAHA THE RESTRAINING ORDER DOESN’T COUNT ONLINE SO YOU HAVE TO BE MY FRIEND NOW!